There are exactly 7 types of bitch face, and you probably have more than one
Resting bitch face isn’t the only bitch face
by Ari Bines
Once science determined the cause of resting bitch face, it became clear that the realm of who-the-fuck-do-you-think-you're-talking-to faces transcend just a smile-free face.
I did some digging around the web and after stumbling upon several live sex streams (completely by accident!), I noticed there are exactly 7 types of bitch face. Basically, I'm your bitch face anthropologist, so let's journey through them all, and try and tell me you haven't used at least half of them before you've even had your morning espresso shot.
1. The Mean Mug
The mean mug is a bitch face that you should whip out anytime some local claims she's your best friend's best friend. While you probably wouldn't make this bitch face known in front of the so-called BFFL, you've brought this bitch face to life in the presence of the remaining squad members. Meanwhile, the local is entirely unaware of your secret hatred for them.
Beyonce pulls the mean mug in all of her videos when remembering the traitor sleeping in her bed (we don't claim him). But since most of y'all are unmarried, seeing the person who your lover cheated on you with probably also prompted this bitch face.
2. The Stank Face
The stank face probably comes out when your one night stand actually had the nerve to take stink up your bathroom while you were putting your gloss on. This type of bitch face literally represents that of the "Really, bitch?" phrase and your face should read as such. Rihanna routinely displays the textbook stank face any time she's in the vicinity of anyone beneath her. So in other words, every waking moment.
You don't need to tell the person on the receiving end of said look why you're upset because your face will say it all.
3. The Sour Puss
The sour puss is by far the most judgemental bitch face and Cardi B and Blair Waldorf give us a great example of what the sour puss consists of.
This bitch face is best used to critique the hideous lewks your friends model for you from the confines of an H&M fitting room. More often than not, though, you'll use this face against your BFF for texting the guy who slid the condom off mid dick appointment. It'll best be worn when that same friend's just picked out the one and only ugly mermaid dress with feathery ruffles. Next!
4. The Side Eye
Oh, how we know this bitch face. I think I use it at least once a day when my fellow staff writer, Katie, asks me if I like large sneakers or if I'd buy a pair for myself. Love the girl, but she trippin' if she thinks I'd be caught dead wearing Frankenboots on my size 11 Sasquatch feet.
Nicki Minaj practically invented the side eye. She kind of has every right to, especially after Miley Cyrus was talkin' mad spicy about her in the media. If anyone needs to be called out without spoken words, throw that hoe a side eye.
5. Resting, or RBF
The resting bitch face is a classic! It's how I stop guys from trying to approach me when walking in the streets. All the "Shawty, lemme talk to you for a minute" and "Can I get a hug?" type shit is immediately halted the second I put my resting bitch face on in full force. Try it for yourself and he won't try you or your patience, hopefully.
Anna Kendrick is someone who unknowingly owns the resting bitch face because it's just her natural face. That's a tough one to get by, but luckily she's got a killer smile so it all balances out in the end.
The eye roll is necessary for any dying conversation to indicate to someone that you're just not that interested in them.
Sure, you could just tell them, but nearby eavesdroppers probably have their ears pricked to your savage encounter. Take notes from Krysten Ritter, as she's pretty well known for her nonchalant attitude in Jessica Jones. Use the eye-roll bitch face to send the hint to your unimpressive date that he or she needs to step their pussy up. Period!
7. The Elevator
The up and down comes in as a close second to the sour puss bitch face as most judgemental. If you genuinely don't fuck with someone, the up and down bitch face is the way to show it.
Naomi (my runway strutting stunna) is probably the best example to practice your most judgmental up and down bitch face. She serves this bitch face on a silver platter probably at least once a day, but that's because everyone in the fashion world is simply beneath her.
Be brave when wearing any bitch face, though, because you'll surely get called out for it by others as it's pretty obvi your not buying what they're. The concept of bitch face isn't for the easily regretful, so bitch face wisely.
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