A power-ranking of every celebrity iPhone note ‘apology,’ from Logan Paul to Lena Dunham
We’ve got ’em all!
The celebrity scandal outrage cycle is, frankly, predictable as fuck. It'd almost be boring…if it wasn't so funny. The formula goes: celebrity says or does something offensive, the internet "freaks out" and calls for them to be cancelled, then the celebrity in question issues an apology, ranging between half-assed and so indignant and sincere that it's cringe-inducing.
And what better way to bare your maligned soul to the world than via the iPhone Notes app? We ranked and rounded up the best (and worst) celebrity Notes app apologies — because you know you wanna read 'em.
9. Sabrina Claudio is SUPER sorry about the racism
Mid-tier R&B singer Sabrina Claudio issued the most recent Notes app apology — but unfortunately for her, it's also basically the worst one. Claudio got called the fuck out when fans unearthed her old (and not-so-old) racist social media moments, where she dabbled in anti-black rhetoric. Oops!
"I am deeply sorry for the insensitive words I've used," tweeted Claudio. "I've made mistakes and while I cannot take them back, I will learn from them." Okay, Sabs. It was 2013, we didn't know racism was bad then, right?
8. KathleenLights had a heated gaming moment
Youtuber and makeup artist KathleenLights had a little snafu back in September when another Youtuber, Jaclyn Hill, filmed KathleenLights playing a video game and posted it on her Snapchat story without realizing that KathleenLights had said the n-word in the midst of gameplay.
You can check that video out here:
Both women proceeded to apologize, although only KathleenLights chose to employ Notes. "Last night when I was drunk, unfortunately I accidentally said the N word while playing a video game on Jaclyn's Snapchat," she posted via Instagram. "That isn't who I am… I am 100% completely AGAINST racism."
Ugh, you know when you get drunk and play video games and the n-word just… slips out. Totally get it, girl.
7. James Charles is going to Africa, so it's totally fine
James Charles caused a fuss on social media when he tweeted a joke about catching Ebola in Africa, doubled down on the tweet, and then finally apologized with this long-ass note.
I have to be honest: I didn't read all of this shit. It's too much! He didn't even have the courtesy to break it into paragraphs.
"I am traveling to Africa today with a few friends for a school trip," James said. "Ironically enough, it's an educational trip because we all know very little about the country but are eager to learn." I hope he learned that Africa isn't one country.
6. Logan Paul was just trying to raise suicide awareness
We all know about Logan Paul's Suicide Forest debacle — in the aftermath, he even had to briefly demonetize videos! The horror!
"I didn't do it for views. I get views," Paul said of filming the corpse of an actual human being who took his own life, and then posting the video footage to Youtube. "I love everyone. I believe in people. I'm out here."
Oh Logan, I really wish you weren't. But honestly, he does get bonus points for the accompanying apology video during which he cries real tears. I love watching straight men cry.
5. Lena Dunham believes women, usually
Everyone's favorite scandal-ridden (white) feminist made her most serious mistake ever back in November when an actress accused a writer on Girls of sexual assault and Lena essentially called her a liar. Obviously, everyone on the internet lost their fucking minds because…come on, Lena. We all knew she didn't actually walk the walk, but this was pretty next-level egregious.
"I never thought I would issue a statement publicly supporting someone of sexual assault, but I naively believed it was important to share my perspective on my friend's situation," Lena tip-tap-typed into her Notes app.
I feel like that — the naive belief that it was important to share her perspective — is the root of every single problem Lena has. But at least she's had the courtesy to lay low ever since!
4. Kendall didn't mean to disrespect her "spirit animal," Tupac
Kendall and Kylie are, like all Kardashians, Kweens of Kultural Approriation, so it wasn't that surprising that their short-lived t-shirt line was problematic as hell.
Basically, the sisters superimposed their initials and faces over iconic music figures, from Biggie Smalls and Tupac to Pink Floyd and Metallica in a line of "vintage" shirts.
"These designs were not well thought-out and we deeply apologize to anyone that has been upset and/or offended, especially to the families of the artists," Kendall tweeted. Not well thought-out? Uh, no shit. But at least they just pulled the shirts and didn't pretend to Kare too much. Klassic!
3. Ariana Grande licked the donut to fight childhood obesity
Honestly, Ariana didn't do anything wrong when she licked a donut and said she hated America — patriotism is for locals! I think it's a power move.
Unfortunately, Ariana's apology is disproportionately dramatic compared to the faux-pas she committed. "We need to demand more from our food industry," Ariana tweeted. "However I should have known better in how I expressed myself; and with my new responsibility to others as a public figure I will strive to be better."
Ms. Grande is our only non-problematic pop star, and the only people she should have apologized to were the donut shop's proprietors.
2. Migos are definitely not homophobic
When Migos were confronted with the fact that fellow Atlanta rapper ILoveMakonnen is gay in a Rolling Stone interview, the trio reacted candidly — with disgust, calling Makonnen's sexuality "wack."
Obviously, they had to apologize — and obviously, they did not have a publicist at the time, because this is the most half-assed iPhone Notes apology ever. "We feel the world is fucked up that people feel like they have to hide and we're asked to comment on someone's sexuality," the note read.
Unknown which Migo typed out this blatant lie — but my bet's on Takeoff.
1. Taylor Swift, who is very uninvolved in the narrative
Ah, the faux-pology that launched a thousand memes and solidified her as Snake Queen Supreme, Taylor Swift's curt request to be excluded from this narrative, one that she has never asked to be a part of, since 2009.
Y'all know that I am not a Taylor stan, but there's no denying that this was one of the most powerful paragraphs ever written. The Declaration of Independence is shaking!
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