How to scam Instagram into scoring with your crush, by babe’s social media editor
Use IG to get the D
by Syra Aburto
Instagram is one finicky little bitch. Sometimes I see my best friends' posts from seconds ago at the top of the feed, and other times I'll be bombarded with pictures from my long lost cousins' daughter's dog's Finsta from 2008.
But one thing IG's always good for is stalking TF out of that boy from your high school French class you wanted to take your V-Card, but never got the courage to talk to.
Hope is not lost, though: you can trick the new Insta algorithm into putting you at the forefront of anyone's newsfeed, and I'll show you how.
I'm really just trynna throw this box at my crush but he's not about me pic.twitter.com/mUhmzACg0j
— Chef Zee 🍽️🔪 (@Zee_Shamase_) April 19, 2018
Step 1: Take your Instagram off private
Having a private IG is for pussies and serial killers. Also, it blocks any chance of getting the person you like to notice your existence. If they can't suss you out online, there's no way you'll ever cross the threshold from cyber personality to up close and personal.
Step 2: Look at who they're following, then follow the same people
Now's the time to get a liiiiittle shameless. Even if you don't know your crush's friends IRL, CLICK. THAT. FOLLOW. BUTTON. The point of this step is to trick the algorithm into thinking you and your crush have a lot of mutual acquaintances, which ups the chances of IG making your account's activity relevant to theirs. Don't just follow their friends, too. Verified accounts that you can mutually follow are about to become your biggest ally in the war for attention.
Step 3: Now that you follow the same celebs, always comment under those accounts
If your crush likes Cardi B, you better throw some support under every single one of her damn posts! Do they like Katy Perry? First of all, get a new crush. But seriously, every time she's on the 'gram, you better pull out your best "yaaaaaasssss kwwweeeeennnn" under her pics! Why? BECUUUHHHHZZZZZ when the person you like is stalking their fave's page in the wee hours of the night, what will they see? Your comment right at the top, which will up the chances of them clicking on your name and stalking the fuck out of your cute ass. Duh!
How I laugh when my crush makes a joke. pic.twitter.com/oLB16d21GI
— Nox (@NoxGcayiya) June 11, 2017
Step 4: The 'Following' tab is your best fucking friend
You know that little tab where you see your notifications? Right next to it, there's a tab that says "following." This page shows you which one of your followers are on the app at any given moment and what they're doing. You need to STALK! THIS! PAGE! Every time you see them online and liking pics, go ahead and post your best thirst trap. Make the caption vaguely about them so they'll be sure to see it, and think "OMG is this about me?"
Step 5: When all else fails, lube yourself up and slide in those DMs
Honestly, I've been wayyyyy too scared to do this with my crush. I mean, I did once but it was the least flirty message in the history of DMs — something like, "Sorry about your recent unemployment!" That's not sexy. At all. But if you do ever get bold and sexually frustrated enough risk it all, just be yourself! I'm sure they'll like you. And if they don't, you can just rant about it to 50 of your closest friends on your very Tumblr-esque Finsta.