Every sign your weak ass is falling in love with a fuckboy

Fuckboys, like so much human swine flu, are a deadly virus intent on …infecting women around the world. We have yet to find a cure, but actually developing real feelings for one can hasten death.

If you have any fraction of respect for yourself, you'll go through this list to expose yourself to the signs that you're falling hard:

You drop everything to send him nudes

If you know anything about the world, you'll be equipped with an archive of neiked pics. Why pause your Netflix binge so you can wear yourself out, throwing your cankels over your neck while risking a spinal injury? Meanwhile, all you await is a dick pick of him still lounging in bed with his shorts and socks on. He's not worthy of your photoshoot!

You take pride in making him food after sex

Even though he's never made a similar offer to grab you a plate, you're happy with serving up the best of what your fridge is packing. And if you forgot to get him a drink to wash it all down, he'll ask you to make a second trip downstairs in your lace panties. And you'll do it, smh.

You lie to your friends about meeting his friends

It's embarrassing to admit to your entire group that you've never met so much as an acquaintance or a work pal, so you cover for him. You either tell your friends you've met his buds, or you make some batshit insane excuse like, "He says he wants me all to himself!"

You admire him living life day-to-day, but he really just has no life goals

You're losing yourself quickly if you think an unemployed dude is just a "free spirit", hunty. Everyone knows that's just code for "I'm coasting through life and no one's called me on my bullshit yet." Good gawd, get a grip, girl.

Most of your fights have started because you tried shooting a pic of him sleeping

If you think you're going to upload that Snap story of him snoring oh so cutely, guess again because fuckboys have a sixth sense it comes to snapping unauthorized images of him for your social pages. I get it. It's a girl's way of claiming territory. But if he's not claiming you (and he's really not, sorry), he'll have a bitch fit over it.

You convince yourself he's working hard when you don't hear from him for days at a time

I'm an annoying little runt who wants someone damn near stalking me at all times, and I'd bet you're the same way. But now, you'll believe him when he says he likes to stay late at work and can't be on his phone (Spoiler: everyone's on their phone at work, boo).

You call his phone immediately after he left you on read

You're quick to hit that hotline bling once he's looked at your text without responding. You're head over heels if you care that much. The proper way to respond would have been to be petty and block his bitch ass for the rest of the night.

You cover up when he asks that you 'respect him'

When I was almost captured in a fuckboy's net, I was guilted into "respecting" my "man" when we went out by minimizing the cleavage. Meanwhile, he was double-tapping the shit out of every yung thot's Insta and not even trying to hide it.

You lie to yourself that the girls in his phone are 'just friends'

Really? A contact with the name "Courtney Big Tits" is just someone he knows from class?

You're accustomed to footing the bill most of the time

On the rare occasion you two go out in public, he'll take you somewhere to the lowest of low-key spots for dinner. Once he's scarfed down his meal, though, he'll coyly push the check towards your half-eaten burrito bowl or worse: the "Shit, I forgot my wallet! I'll get you back later."

You don't mind that he doesn't give you head back

This might be the saddest sign of them all. If doesn't bother you that he's not too keen on the flick of the kitty while not-so- subtlety pushing your head down south, please run. You're and your sucking skills are way too good for him.

Being referred to as 'babygirl' is sexual kryptonite

Or any pet name for that matter. A deep, soothing voice coupled with a name that gives him an inch of possession over you means you're stumbling back towards the bed as we speak. You couldn't have helped yourself even if you tried.

You actually think you can change him

Ahh! The oldest fuckboy trick in the book. Flying blind, you think you see the good in him. In reality, you're patching him back together with scotch tape. In due time, he'll tear himself and your heart back into nothing more than shattered pieces.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

● A guide to every fuckboy outfit you’ll ever witness and inevitably fall for at some point

● Everything a fuckboy says to try and convince you he’s not a fuckboy

@aribines