I said what I said, clothed sex is actually the BEST sex

It's pretty obvious that sex doesn't require a lot of work unless you're on top, but because I'm a lazy fuck, therefore my preferential sex position has everything to do with minimal movement (sorry, but sweat is gross). So I'm enlisting a new sex category and dare you all to keep your clothes on for your next dick appointment and here's why.

It aligns with your spontaneous lifestyle

You and your fling would literally be able to do it wherever and whenever. You've seen the numerous Twitter videos of couples getting it on in the most random places known to man. Sheeeeett, I've seen fingers where they don't belong at a baseball game—but at least someone scored in a losing Mets game. The point is, the world is your bed, and you're guaranteed to have more fun without body insecurites or critiques to hold you back.

You minimize cleanup

Dudes await the moment to shoot their shot all over you and the cold cum after sex is not my cup o' tea. Getting naked for a dick appointment saves you from aaaallllat mess. There's a limited chance of having to trot to the bathroom in your lace thong, racing to the bathroom before the stream of semen reaches your eyes. Nuh uh, honey.

You can rip them off as you go

Skip foreplay altogether and incorporate the removal when you're already banging. It incites more passion because you know you can't wait that long. Why should both of you have to slow yourselves down, just to go down on the other person and lose your libido while your gag reflex starts kicking in? Where's the pleasure in that?

Boobs don't get in the way

Don't let those caged birds sing when you want to get your rocks off. If you have big, saggy boobs, you don't want them spilling into your armpits when you just want to lay there and enjoy the dick down. I've nearly ripped my nips because he fell on them, accidently punched one of them, and the bruising on my boobs are just a constant reminder of why I keep my top on for all my dick appointments.

And neither will his ball sac

I don't know about you, but when his dongles are beating 'gina, I feel weird about it. That furry little pouch is just slapping you over and over, and it's foreign to me. If he simply pulls the little guy out of the cave of his boxer shorts, the bushy beast is still hidden safely behind your guy's zipper.

And c'mon. It actually makes the act of sex hotter

There's something more scandalous when keeping your clothes on during sex. Leaving nothing but your most private parts exposed is pretty damn hot, and the thought of getting caught in a compromising position just plays up the act even more.

My last boyfriend would sex me up in his boss' car, just whipping it out and leaving my pants to meet my ankles. Tight spaces (if you're that urgent) don't allow for much movement, and the time it'll take you both to rid yourself of layers of clothing only kills the vibe. Like forreal? Who wants ride a limp dick? Not I, sir!

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● Every sign your weak ass is falling in love with a fuckboy

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@aribines