The ‘sexy’ bra is dead, and we have undeniable photographic evidence
Fancy bras are BOOB JAIL
by Katie Way
Remember your first trip to Victoria's Secret, browsing through all the bedazzled bras you hoped you'd be able to fill out some day while synth-pop pulsed through the speakers and your mom asked the saleslady why everything in the store was so expensive? Just me?
Whatever. Either way, you might as well just ditch Vicky's for good, because newsflash: ultra-sexy, mega push-up triple-cup padded bras are officially OUT, and I for one couldn't be happier to see them go.
Now, it's all about comfort and simplicity — neutral tones, sporty cuts, nothing crazy. Don't believe me? Scroll through any boob-having celebrity's Instagram page and you'll see what I mean.
It's not like these looks aren't hot, exactly — it's just that the days of sequined lace/animal print/bustier-style underwire are over, and that's a good thing. Sure, there's always going to be an idealized boob shape, but with a simplified bra comes less tit homogeny.
Even Victoria's Secret its(her?)self seems to have realized that we're done with their bullshit. Navigate to the website, and instead of some straight-up Angel Wings, you see this:
That is a far cry from the traditional Victoria's Secret bra, and only confirms my suspicions that the Jeweled Bra of Yore is no longer. Plus, bras that are barely-there pave the way for those amongst us who… don't even wanna wear one.
To make sure that I'm not being completely fucking insane, I asked the rest of the babe office how they felt — and what they were rocking today, bra-wise.
I'll start off with myself
Frankly, it's pretty apparent that I'm not wearing a bra. Ever. At this point, I only put one on if I'm with my parents, because I don't wanna disrespect them like that.
I'm not going to put my naked chest on the internet, because I'm a coward, so y'all will just have to take my word for it. But in my eyes, the "sexy" bra has been dead in a ditch since I started college and figured out that I wasn't fooling ANYONE into thinking I had boobs.
Em is keeping it sheer
I think of Video Queen Emily as a stylish girl, so I'm not surprised that she's still keeping it kinda traditionally sexy in a sheer number with some light lace — but ultimately, her main aim is to keep her nips as visible as possible.
"I prefer to not wear a bra, but I can't really do that unless the shirt is tight enough cause my tatas will bounce too much," Em said. "But when I do wear a bra, it's either this one or a Calvin Klein sports bra. I will N-E-V-E-R wear a bra w padding in my life ever again!"
Caroline loves a good neutral
Caroline, a true revolutionary, ditched underwire bras like five years ago. Now she sticks to bralettes ONLY, if she chooses to wear a bra at all.
"I ended up with exactly zero underwire bras by the time I graduated college," she told me. "They’re so wildly uncomfortable, and they also make me look kind of… deformed? Like everyone KNOWS my boobs aren't that nice or shapely. It’s just not that human."
So there you have it folks. Babe is officially off the sexy bra wave, and there's only one woman on earth who could drag us back:
Let's all pray Robyn uses her powers for good instead of evil.
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