Watch this video of an adorably drunk Chris Evans at the ‘Avengers’ premiere, then go take a pregnancy test
‘HEY MARVEL FAAAANS’
by Amanda Ross
Ok, girls and gays, can I let you in on a little secret of mine?
I don't understand The Avengers movies, and I never will. I just have too many questions! Is this different to the Justice League? Is Ben Affleck's phoenix tattoo one of the Infinity Stones I'm reading so much about? Why is Benedict Cumbersnatch so ugly but his Avengers character so hot? Are y'all serious when you say a movie starring a foul-mouthed CGI raccoon voiced by Bradley Cooper is not only beloved but critically acclaimed? Fuck right off.
But you know what? I continue to give AMC my semi-hard-earned dollars every time they come out because who cares about the plot?! Every single Marvel character gives off a very specific, athletic sexual energy I haven't seen since high school gym class (I refused to dress out and walked the mile with the girls who bought Hot Cheetos from the vending machine, obviously). The hottest and most athletic of them all? Chris Evans, who was blessed with a MAGA face but a Bernie soul.
Stumbling upon this video of him adorably wasted at the Age of Ultron premiere made my terrible Tuesday considerably better, and I know it'll do the same for you. I mean, come on:
blessing your timeline with drunk Chris Evans at age of ultron premiere pic.twitter.com/nURmSB0nSk
— rae (@tonysnotstark) May 14, 2018
Those sweet, bleary eyes! That good-natured laugh! That…form-fitting suit. It was in that moment I knew that Captain America was the most powerful superfriend, with meat that's both large and holy. Avenge on, big boy. Avenge on.
Who keeps giving Lena Dunham dogs?
Hi, 911? I’d like to report a crime
by Nian Hu
I regret to inform you that in the year 2018 Lena Dunham is somehow still relevant, despite MANY reasons why she should have long faded into obscurity at this point. Aside from being a fake-woke white "feminist" who accuses women of lying about rape and gets mad at black men for not wanting to sleep…
Billboard Charts indicate everyone’s getting dumped this week
We’ve all got that summertime sadness, apparently
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According to the Billboard Hot 200, which tracks the best-selling albums in the country in any given week, America is going through it. All I need is a Pharmaceutical Hot 200 to track a spike in Seroquel and Prozac and a Diabetic Hot 200 to show me a sharp increase in Cool Whip sales and…
Watch this man shock his dick off by putting it in an electrical outlet and tell me again why men are in charge of anything
It’s called ‘guy electrocutes his population rod’
by Harry Shukman
If you want to watch a short video of a man putting his dick into an outlet until it shocks him and he howls with pain, then it's your lucky day! Here is that video: Some highlights: – The moment the man thumbs his wang right into the socket– The huge spark of electricity that occurs upon…