I asked Tinder dudes if they’d go down on me with a full bush, and I’ll never wax again
These responses are gooollllldddd
by Ari Bines
Picture this: your hookup hits you with the booty call. You're psyched, ready to hop in an Uber and race over. Aaaand then you realize you haven't shaved. We've all been there, but I've always wondered if it really matters. I mean, we swallow our pride, hold our breath and get down to full bush almost every time we go down on them. So I took the liberty of asking guys if they'd be so kind and do the same.
This first guy, Jamison, sounded like he'd had experience
He sounded so nonchalant!On other other hand, I was quite excited to hear that even my 8 o'clock shadow down under wasn't enough to put him off the experience as a whole.
Aaron just laughed at me
I've never understood why he laughed me off when he knew damn well I was dead serious!
This dude, Shamir, thought I was trolling him
Okay, so I admit I kind of was kind of trapping him — but this is a serious investigation! Women are deemed unkempt or unhygienic for daring to not remove something that should be there in the first place. How else would it stay warm through the winter?
But I genuinely wanted to know what was up with the double standard
If Shamir and I actually dated, I don't think he'd fully be ready to handle what I have down under. But I definitely appreciate the fact that he low-key called me potential girlfriend material. As long I keep it smelling like sugar, spice and everything nice, that is.
Garret thought I wanted he was treating him
And because I'm so damn cute (duuuurrr), he said yes to my proposal
That's kind of fucked up! But at the same time, if my face is the driving force for him driving that tongue, then so be it. I wonder if Ye goes down on Kim's magic carpet for the same reason.
But Bryan figured I was just bluffing
Bryan was evidently testing me, but I honestly don't have a clue why. Anytime I have the opportunity to not put in the extra work to shave, causing physical harm to myself with cuts and bruises, is a good sign he may just be a keeper. I'll keep Bryan in my rolodex of good guys…for now.
Jay thought I belonged in a room with padded walls
This had to be the best answer I'd received from a guy on Tinder. Personally, I think Jay was a seriously high-maintenance dude who doesn't have a single hair on his body. My best bet is he probably gets his ass waxed routinely. No judgement!
Malik, though, was definitely not into it
He thought he was soooo damn funny asking me how he would find it. Sex is hard work and if you're not willing to dig through the coal mine to get the gold, you should keep it in your pants until you're ready for a fully grown woman.
And if I could have smacked Chris through Tinder, I most definitely would have
I tried it? Booooy if you don't get your head out of your ass, you'll never see the light of day again! Chris spoke to me as if giving head was some sort of rewarding alternative for me. A lot of guys don't even wash themselves properly but he's too good for my clean, unshaven bits? Go that way, sir.
Oswaldo was one of the few men who spoke my language
Who wouldn't think a hairy vag was sexy? Men looooove to say they like their women natural, and I'm giving them an opportunity to experience just that.
Kareem had a lot of…conditions
After asking if Kareem was willing, he was completely honest with me — which is one thing I can appreciate.
I don't even know what an immaculate pussy smells like as I can't reach my own in order to be thorough. But if he has to be in love with me to try it, I probably wouldn't have to wait too long to have him go down to hair town. Like, who wouldn't love moi? I'm a fucking treasure!!!
Zaaayyuuum, I fucks with Charlie
Not only did Charles (putting some respeck on this name) consider going down on me without a wax, but he hit me with the "where you at?" Any dude who is ready and willing to meet up immediately knowing damn well you don't have the time to both shower and shave is definitely a keeper.
Even this guy, Kegan, was down
While lots of other guy I spoke to was pretty skeptical and inexperienced with going down on a hairy chick, I never thought I would find a second guy who enjoyed it. I have yet to meet any guys who find eating pussy to be one of their favorite extracurriculars, let alone one that's hairier than Nev Shulman's chest.
But ultimately, Corey was the most woke
I've never felt prouder than now to know that my furry vag could potentially be in really good hands with some of these guys. I've covered their faces here, but I may want to go back into my Tinder messages and check out who's who before deciding which one of them will be next regretful one-night stand.
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