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Girls and gays, ASSEMBLE — it’s National Iced Coffee Day
I can’t wait to drink my favorite meal
by Katie Way
I didn't start drinking coffee until my senior year of college, and it's honestly offensive that nobody sat me down and made me drink anything stronger than a S'mores Frappuccino before then. Thanks a lot, "friends."
But now, both as a cog in the capitalist machine who needs to be Awake and Productive and a proud 50 percent of the phrase "girls and gays," I'm straight-up addicted to iced coffee — so imagine my surprise and delight (caffeine-fueled shock, caffeine-augmented delight) to discover that TODAY IS NATIONAL ICED COFFEE DAY! Seriously. I mean it.
i made another one pic.twitter.com/LY49qvxwwL
— juice truther (@th0tcouture) May 9, 2018
A whole entire 24 hours dedicated to the most important meal of the day? This is bigger than Christmas (sorry Jesus) and Valentine's Day combined. I'm Lime-a-Rita away from being Halloween-level excited!
“you’re constantly using iced coffee as a meal replacement..”
me: pic.twitter.com/E2F155SKcg— monty (@cumrascal) May 14, 2018
Again, girls and gays know when we drink iced coffee, we're basically drinking from the Fountain of Youth or the Holy Grail. We're FaceTuning, but in real life. We're carrying our iced coffees like a 14-year-old showing off the Michael Kors tote bag her aunt bought her for eighth grade graduation.
Iced coffee is the source of all our power — it's the 10-step Korean skincare routine of beverages.
anyone that tells you an iced coffee is not an acceptable meal replacement is simply a hater that doesn't want you to be skinny remember that pic.twitter.com/HvlYTu0kpv
— jerry (@stylestruIy) April 20, 2018
Haters want you to think that replacing lunch or breakfast with iced coffee is a bad thing — and it is, if you feel obligated to "take care of your body" or "love yourself," trivial concerns to the average iced coffee connoisseur! Of course drinking iced coffee "isn't the same as eating a salad" and "won't make you happier in the long run!"
show me where in the bible it says that iced coffee is not a meal replacement
— Daddy Boy Trill (@http_dad) April 13, 2018
Did I say it would? Or did I say that I'm skinny? Because I am, and if you love iced coffee then you are too — it's a state of mind, baby, and the sooner you grab your $1 Dunkin Donuts and hit the streets like they're a runway, the sooner you'll wise the fuck up.
Related stories recommended by this writer:
● We asked Jonathan Cheban what Kim’s butthole tastes like and he threw the biggest temper tantrum
● Come watch this local hero throw a drink in Tomi Lahren’s rat face
● VOTE: Would you date a hot guy if he had these terrible tattoos?
● I bought a haunted doll and she straight-up visited my dreams and moved when I wasn’t looking
