Here’s an encyclopedia of bikini poses, so you know how to be the baddest beach bitch on Insta
Plus how to pull them off, Kylie Jenner-style
by Una Dabiero
Bikini pics are an integral part of the healthy Instagram feed. There's no more efficient way to get hot Adam from Apple Pi Sigma up in your DMs. No better way to say "fuck you" to the bitches from middle school who made your life a living hell. No purer way to get your mom to text you, "Una, are you ok? I've been seeing your pictures…."
But in order to get the PERFECT bikini picture, the one that strikes envy in both your enemies and your friends, you have to know what you're doing. If you've ever wanted a guide to help you plan your next photo session at the pool, well, here it is. Whether you're a bikini pic beginner or someone who needs a new move for your millionth Insta hoe post, here's an encyclopedia of bikini poses. Feel free to try all this at home.
How-to: The Bambi is quite simply a deformed kneel, with your knees slightly wider than your shoulders. It's been a major Instagram trend for years, and for good reason: it complements lots of body types.
Highlights: Your waist-to-thigh ration, your thigh-brow, your thighs. Whether your waist is snatched or your legs are thicc, this is probably a safe pose.
How-to: The Sugar Cookie involves looking away from the camera to capture a photo of your butt, which tends to be covered in a bit of sand. You can take this photo sitting down or standing up, depending on your mood.
Highlights: Your ass. Duh. Also a great pose for capturing a cute hairstyle or a toned back.
How-to: The Side-Eye is achieved by facing your body forward, then having a friend take your photo from the side. Turn your head towards the camera and then choose your strategy: Either make the photo look like a "plandid" or make eye contact with the lens like it's the love of your life.
Highlights: Your thighs and side-butt. Since they're seen from the side, people will really get a look at how much you're packing. This angle also highlights your waist to chest ratio so it's no wonder Ky Jen uses it so often.
How-to: Find the nearest lounge chair, then recline slightly. Face away from the camera for a more "plandid" look that will tell everyone you're v chill, or face the camera to really accent the top half of your body.
Highlights: This pose highlights the shoulders and chest, since you tend to be propping yourself up and pushing your tits together slightly. This is a great move for girls trying to get them titties a little higher, or girls who just want to look too cool for a traditional bikini pic while still looking sexy.
How-to: The LD is similar to the lounge. Find a lounge chair or other flat surface to lay down on. Lay all the way back, cover your face, and have a friend take your picture from an up-angle near your feet. You don't want the photo to look completely flat, so lift a leg or turn your body a bit to the side.
Highlights: The "laid" is all about your body. It emphasizes the length of everything, especially your legs. But at the same time, it highlights the waist and chest. Bonus Jonas: everyone's stomach looks more toned when gravity is physically pulling your gut in.
How-to: The Walker is pretty easy. Have a friend snap some pictures of you ascending from the sea. Walk nice and slow, and vary your poses by grabbing your hair or grabbing a friends hand. You can make this one sexy by keeping a straight-face, or you can make yourself look ~fun~ by giggling while running out of the water. Variety is the key to happiness, my friends.
Highlights: This pose accentuates the waist since your arms are away from the body, allowing your waistline to stand in contrast to the background color. It also highlights your suuuper chill personality, since it almost always looks like a plandid.
How-to: Have a friend take a picture of the top half of your body, either leaning out of the pool or sticking out of the water. This pose can be done facing the camera or facing away.
Highlights: Since this pose requires you to be close to the camera, it highlights your face and hair. It also highlights your chest, which is probably being propped up by the surface you're leaning on.
How-to: Y'all know what sitting down is, lmao. You can shoot this picture from straight on or from a slight down-angle.
Highlights: This pose highlights your thigh brows and your waist-to-thigh ratio, since your bottom half is widened by sitting.
Straight on, hands up
How-to: This one is pretty self-explanatory. Face the camera straight-on, then lift your arms to your face or hair.
Highlights: This pose is all about your waist. Your arms being out of the way shows off your natural waistline. The pose also allows you to push your titties together, which is always nice.
Straight on, hands down
How-to: Pretty self-explanatory. Face the camera and keep your arms at your sides.
Highlights: Your face and your bathing suit. Without too much going on with your body, your face will be the first thing viewers look at. At the same time, your arms framing your body will draw the eye towards the bathing suit you've decided to wear. This is perfect for showing off a new monokini or a fun print you picked up at Target.
How-to: To get this look, find a flat surface and lean the top half of your body on it, taking care to pop your booty a little bit towards the camera. This can be shot from the side or from straight behind, but about a 45-degree angle allows you to show off your side while also not making your picture too much about your butt.
Highlights: The booty and thigh brow are both on-display in this pose.
How-to: There's lots of ways to take a group picture. You and your friends can stand straight-up in a line, layer yourselves by sitting and standing for a cute multi-dimensional look, or get a plandid playing in the water.
Highlights: The nice thing about a group picture is that it highlights how good you look in your suit without making the post about looking sexy. You look naturally hot like you aren't trying hard at ALL, and isn't that what we all want? Plus, a group of girls all together appear more attractive just because of the sheer number — it's called the Cheerleader Effect. Pick a group picture that highlights whatever you're trying to show off and that fits your feed, and you're sure to win.
This summer is the summer of the beach selfie. Have at it, bitches!
Every girl needs a trap phone
Even if you’re not actually, y’know, trapping
by Amanda Ross
I have this friend. For the sake of our story, let's call her…Janet Vasquez. I'm not changing her name to protect the innocent because she thrives on attention (one of the many reasons we're friends) and because she's definitely not innocent. Me and Dammit Janet at a bar circa 2011, moments before she ran away…
BEHOLD: Pumpkin Spice Booze, because Pumpkin Spice Lattes are over and they haven’t invented Pumpkin Spice Cocaine yet
Catch me snorting nutmeg
by Amanda Ross
There is nothing wrong with a Pumpkin Spice Latte. Like astrology, Lush bath bombs, and any novel written by a woman, PSLs are in a special club of things that are objectively good and fun but hated on by dudes and girls who haven't yet realized that dudes who hate those things are garbage. But…
Your weekly horoscopes say everyone’s feeling particularly rebellious this week
Here’s what to expect
by Caroline Phinney
There's something about these final dog days of August that bring with them an energizing, revitalizing feel. Fall is on the way, which means it's almost time to cuff up or miss out. With Lilith in Capricorn, you'll be ready to make the first move this week. Good luck.AriesIt’s finally time to relax for you…