There was a time in our very modern history in which being a horse girl was not cool. In fact, the horse girl was probably the girl you avoided like the fucking bubonic plague as an emotionally underdeveloped middle schooler. You know, because all her school supplies were covered in live-action horses and she carried around a stuffed stallion with her like, all the time.
But what once got girls bullied is now the ticket to cool girl success. Yes, it's considered "sick" to be a horse girl now. I don't make the rules, I just show you guys the evidence. Here it is:
All the Hollywood it-girls are horse girls
I really think the biggest thing that made the horse girl cool has been Hollywood. All the new bitches in all the commercials and all the movies and all the fashion shows are horse girls. And they tell us all. Unabashedly, in fact. Probably because they're hot enough to do so. Gigi Hadid? She loves horses. The only thing she loves more than horses is Donatella Versace.
Bella Hadid? She IS horses. No… not like that. You sicko.
Kendall Jenner has put her horse love on DISPLAY, for Longchamp and also for basically any editorial that will let her. What a woman.
And Bella Hadid's horse girl status inspired one of the sexiest lyrics by The Weeknd… ever
I've heard The Weeknd's latest album, you've heard The Weeknd's latest album. You know, the one in which he told us all he would've given Selena Gomez his dusty kidney? Well, we can't forget that the sexiest song on the entire album mentions his other ex, Bella Hadid, and her horse riding skills:
You were equestrian, so ride it like a champion
BRB, heading to Walgreens for a ClearBlue. And then I'm heading to the stables. Gotta get me a horse to make Abel fall in love.
There's even a new meme about how being a horse girl is hot
And the Twitter gays know what's cool lightyears before the rest of us do. It's their superpower. According to Twitter, being a horse girl is cool because they cured cancer, killed the goths, and passed gun control legislation. You didn't hear it from me.
goth gfs are OUT horse girls are IN
— gabriel (@nervousvibrato) June 4, 2018
date a sorority girl and you’re happy for a year. date a horse girl and you’re happy for life
— James (@CaucasianJames) June 6, 2018
marry a horse girl so she can hand feed you carrots and brush your hair
— ryan (@yeetztweetz) June 6, 2018
horse girls destroyed isis that’s why we ain’t heard shit about them in 20 years
— ???? ♥ (@kobychill) June 6, 2018
Honestly, it looks like now is the time to take back the years we tormented all those poor girls for being so ahead of their times. This is like the "careful who you call ugly challenge" on a societal level. And damn, am I sorry. I should've taken some horse-riding lessons instead of doing cheerleading like all the cool girls. I never even landed my back tuck. Smdh.