Why is Forever 21 the most stressful store in the mall?
Y’all know EXACTLY what I’m talking about
The shopping mall is the watering hole of basically every small-to-mid-size town I've ever been to. And before you call me fucking LAME, sorry I haven't been to Dubai or some cool shit. It's the first place your mom drops you off at alone. It's where you go on your first dates in high school. It's connected to that movie theatre where Danny tried to get you to suck him off and you dropped him IMMEDIATELY. It's basically where everyone hangs out and has some of their coolest adolescent moments. And now, it's just where we go when our parents are willing to bankroll some sweet new looks.
But one specific moment at the mall haunts me to this day: walking into a Forever 21 in search of something, ANYTHING, to make me look trendy
Like, yeah, sure, I still do it. But it is STRESSFUL every single time. I basically need to meditate for five minutes and ingest five Xanax every time I plan to dig through their store.
First, off they're always playing this INSANELY high-tempo techno music
It literally makes it seem like you're in a video game collecting coins and the timer is about to run out. I legitimately feel the need to RUN inside Forever 21. It's mostly the music, but it's also my desire to dodge all the tweens I see buying the same shit as me. It makes me feel bad about myself. Especially when I put those rompers on my bloated-ass body and realize there's no way I fit in clothes 12-year-olds are trying on.
Also, can we talk about there's only approximately three employees per store?
And they all suck? if only because they remind you of the girl who long boarded and also somehow bullied you. As though she had the esteem. Smdh.
Maybe the BIGGEST reason Forever 21 is TOO stressful? The complete and total lack of organization
The shelves somehow all look like a closet that someone stuffed full of shit before their mom inspected their room. I swear, I have never seen a location that would pass a general inspection by your grandmother. It's mass chaos.
Clothes are on the floor. Clothes are strewn across tables. Clothes are hanging by just one teat on one of those hangers with hands. Honestly, every Forever 21 looks like the European trendy girl side and the local prep girl side got into a nuclear war that killed EVERYONE and threw their carcasses all over whatever was left of the Earth's crust. I mean… not that the presentation really matters. You know it's about to fall apart in three days anyway.
The clothes that ARE visible to the naked eye are weird
Like half of the time, you don't know if that cute grey THING you see on the hanger is a shirt or skirt or mini-dress, so you have to pull a CSI and do a full forensic analysis by holding it up to multiple bodies, then eventually trying it on to find it was a CROP TOP with weird sleeves. Or you were shopping in the kids section… which is ALL kinds of fucked up.
But I guarantee if you do find a jacket or shirt with a cute silhouette, it has a fucking slice of pizza on it
I'm being serious. I've been fooled by one too many quarter zips that say "Namastay in Bed" on the back to joke about this.
Honestly, that might be one of the most devastating parts of our trips to Forever 21: Realizing this strange reality is the world we're forced to live in
I swear to God, every time I walk into one of these stores, I'm hit in the face by a sudden social consciousness. Do I really want to live in a world where people wear see-through dresses made out of neon pink mesh? Do I REALLY want to socialize with men who wear shirts screened with "Kiss Me If You Miss Me?" I think NOT, honestly.
And if we allow this kind of evil in our chain stores, what do we allow in our real lives? I wouldn't know, being a writer for babe. But I imagine it's some pretty shitty stuff. And that sucks… even more than when your mom won't take you to Orange Julius after a long day trying on skinny jeans ?
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