Actually, Virgo is the best zodiac zign

Every time the sun moves into a new part of the sky and a new zodiac season begins, the title of Best Zodiac Sign is hotly contested. But I'm here to shut down every bitch who claims her sign is the best, unless she was born between the dates of August 23rd and September 22nd. Virgo is by far the most superior of the sun signs. I have proof that we're the most perfect people to walk the face of this crusty planet.

And since I'm a Virgo, the proof will be presented to you in five perfectly-defined and well-constructed points, each supported with logos, ethos, and pathos. Did I mention I went to college and got a good-ass GPA? I didn't need to. I'm a Virgo. You already knew.

Virgos are those INSANE friends who organize all the birthday parties and plan all the girls' nights

That's because they're organized — like, planner with the extra stickers organized — and they would literally slit their throats for you. Virgos are crazy loyal friends who pour their hearts into the small details of their relationships. They will never forget your favorite ice cream, and they will be the first person at your house with that exact flavor after your boyfriend dumps you. They expect the same from their friends and can gently coax friendships along, making them a strong force in relationships that last a lifetime.

Virgos are logical and analytical — making them great at solving basically any problem

Virgos brains look like that meme where the woman is trying to SOH-CAH-TOA that triangle, but without the strange expression of confusion. They are practical people led by their brains, making them natural problem-solvers and giving them a deep understanding of the world around them without getting clouded by emotion. This makes them great at decoding text messages from a crush, finishing all their homework way before you do, and figuring out how to make everyone around them like them against their wishes. Their ability to sort shit out is intoxicating. And the fact that they probably do it in a Moleskin with color-coded gel pens? Incredible.

And even though we're way smarter than you, we're STUPID nice

Virgos are just… good people. Their deep sense of humanity makes them care about others in a way a lot of signs can't. They love, really and truly. Never in a selfish way. And they have a deep passion for helping others in whatever way they can. Even if they dislike someone, they will never be hard on them. Virgos reserve their harsh criticism for themselves. And yeah, sometimes they may be a bitch if people get in the way of their plans or principles. But Virgo will never try to make you feel bad for who you are. That's pretty unique in 2018.

And when a Virgo says they'll do something, they'll fucking do it

Virgos aren't just loyal to you. They're loyal to their goals, their dreams, and most importantly, their character. When they say they're going to do something, they're going to do it. They're the type of people who told someone once when they were five that they were gonna be an astronaut and now they're investing in Tesla so they can make that a real thing. They're the kind of people who run the marathons where you eat donuts and perfectly curate the interiors of their apartments. They want their lives to be perfect, and they make it happen. It's scary, tbqh.

But maybe most importantly: Beyonce is a Virgo

How else did you think that level of artistry and performance precision was possible? The most perfect people in society are Virgos. And that's because they will work night and day to make themselves perfect in every way possible.

So next time your overly-emotional Pisces colleague or you're crazy as fuck Aries friend tries to say they're the best in the zodiac, just send them this article. Somewhere deep down, they already know you're superior. This is just the final nail in the coffin. Or nail in the Capricorn. You know what I mean.

Related Stories:

Your Mercury sign reveals everything about your love life. Here’s what yours means

We analyzed the star sign compatibility of your favorite celebrities to see who was built to last

My friends think my obsession with horoscopes is ruining my life, which is exactly what my horoscope said they’d say