All the struggles of dating when you’re a 20-year-old grandma

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All the struggles of dating when you’re a 20-year-old grandma

I was born in the wrong decade

As millennials, we grew up on Sex and the City, dial-up and Stephenie Meyer. But the invention of the overbearing social networks have steered us away from real life and we can numerically determine how much people like us.

For those of you who haven't been able to deal, you're probably a 53-year-old woman in a 20 something-year-old body, and the dating scene is absolute shit. You can probably relate to all these struggles.

You’d rather be with your cat than talking to most of your date

If a date is going horrendously bad, you go into pet parent mode, thinking about how much you'd rather snuggle up with Mr. Whiskers with a bag of popcorn and watch black and white films all night.

To you, dating apps is a last resort

You'd rather die via electrocution than settle for dating apps. The idea that people are more focused on their phones than the world around them is just baffling. Just by having a phone, you're missing out on life

You and your date don’t speak the same language

They probably don’t get any of your references to literature in any of your discussions. It's also very likely they can't recall the last time they read a book—hardcover or paperback, not an e-reader.

It feels like romance is dead

Looking up to characters who fight for the girl (Frank from Breakfast at Tiffany’s) has ruined your dating life because you set your expectations too high, which aren't even all that high. Regardless of women making their mark on society, you still secretly hope to have the sparks like Daisy and Jay Gatsby.

We seek out partners who can show vulnerability

Social media has made it so we only post the best parts of our lives. You know there's way more to them than a few selfies, but they still feel pressured to be picture perf!

And because of it, we feel like we’re just 'fixing' other people

Everyone comes with bruises and baggage, but fixing the problems of our partners becomes the main first-date activity. Airing out all their personal problems isn't what you hoped was on the menu, but you'll respect them enough to hear them out and offer your best advice anyway.

Commitment is a foreign territory

You feel a little ashamed, but you're seeking out something long-term, but in this day and age there’s so much visible temptation and shorter attention spans, we’re just in relationships to either make them a prop or to make our friends jealous.

You can't wrap your brain around why no one asks people on dates anymore

Maybe fear of rejection has become so prominent that no one makes an effort to approach people. It sucks because when people are on their phones, they've made it clear they don't want to be approached—and that's pretty much everyone.

It’s not all about sex for you

When you have an old soul like a 20-year-old grandma, you don’t necessarily care how big or small someone is, nor if they're good or bad at sex. If the intellectual stimulation isn’t there, you just don't fuck with it for it.

Group dates are a huge turn-off

Being a 20-year-old grandma means dating with other people makes your eyes roll back. It’s almost as if you being alone with them was too much to handle, so they brought the squad to deflect any potential awkwardness.

You don't go for a sexy look on dates until you feel they’ve earned it

Sex appeal is something you take very, very seriously. You can't understand why these girls on Instagram are so willing to put it out there. What's left for their boyfriends and girlfriends? You keep your present wrapped and will only rip a piece off for them if they deliver their promises.

You'd rather go mini golfing than the movies

TV is everywhere, so you know better than to preface a date with offering up any form of media. You want to experience something different, so classic American dates like mini golfing and carnivals are more your speed.

It's a hard-knock life dating being young and having an old soul, but it's not entirely impossible. Just start by getting that asshole off their phone and talk about something other than what happened on a mobile device.

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@aribines