Everything you know if you’re a big booty hoe

Over the years, shopping has become one of the things I hate most because of my big butt. I love clothes and having an hourglass figure is cool for clout, don't get me wrong, but having an enormous backside can also have its downsides. From not knowing what to wear for it'll be deemed inappropriate to bumping and breaking things in close vicinity, these are all the struggles of being a big booty hoe:

Lowrider jeans were never designed for you

Big booty hoes know the minute they take a seat, their ass will most likely be hanging out. Always remember, crack is whack, my thicc friend.

'Can you make it clap?'

Yes, but not for your ugly ass. Now stop asking me.

Wearing anything tight is out of the question if you don't want the attention

Any big booty hoe knows that when she wears that body con dress from Fashion Nova, she's running the risk of unwarranted male interaction. The tighter the dress the thirstier the guy.

And anything loose just makes you look disproportionate

Carrying that badonk-a-donk also means any dress you wear will be nun in the front and video hoe in the back. In fact, high low dresses are the only dresses in your closet.

You'll get your daily dose of sexually harassment

You might want to cross to the other side of the street if you want your juicy butt to go unnoticed. Hiding it with a long top or rocking oversized maxi sirts are just some of the ways you avoid catcalling altogether.

Shorts label you as a thottie

Don't drop that thundadun in shorts, because men will stare uncomfortably and some women will shame you for being so bold. Who would have thought your ass could expose the irony of feminism?

That wagon will surely spill over into the seat next to you

I feel bad sitting in public spaces because I know my ass is probably taking over someone else's seat. Of course I don't feel that bad. I got here first, after all.

It'll devour any type of underwear

Even if you didn't mean for your boyshorts to ride up between your cheeks, the sway of your hips just will cause that butt to munch on nearly cheeky panty.

People want to play with it like a plush toy

Every Netflix and chill session is filled with dry humping and ass grabbing, which means you know whoever's groin you're grinding is jiggling your booty with every chance you get.

You've got thick thighs to match

Of course with a naturally thick ass comes naturally thick thighs. With that, my squirrelfriend, comes with a whole new set of struggles.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

● I don’t make the rules: Being a horse girl is cool now

● ‘Hip cleavage’ is the hottest thick girl beach trend this summer

● We spoke to the brave souls who pierced their clits and I’m kegeling in terror reading this

● Are Bermuda shorts…cool again?! An investigation

@aribines