Being called ‘cute’ is the worst thing in the world, and practically a hate crime
Why not just punch me in the face instead?
by Ari Bines
Whether it's Tinder, Bumble or PoF, every future fling is under the impression that I'm a fucking infant. No matter if I use a face-slimming Snapchat filter or if my underboob is on full display practically begging for attention, I always get hit with the most cringe-worthy compliment of them all: cute.
Hot or sexy is absolutely foreign to me, but cute is always a term served hot and ready in my DMs with a side of huggy face emojis. If you're constantly told you're cute, bless your heart because if you hear it from a face you hope to sit on one day, it's an insult.
'Cute' is childish as hell
I associate cute with babies, tiny dogs and Ariana Grande's low ponytail — but not with me, a fully-grown curvy/thicc woman who fucks! Like, cute? Really? Maybe it's wild to bitch about, but excuse me for not wanting to be in the same looks genre as a teacup Pomeranian while taking back shots from my dick appointment.
Cute is what you call your little sister (or a drawing of a whimsical frog holding a fishing pole) but considering that I'm approaching 24, "cute" is a tired-ass remark and it stresses me out. Who in their right mind wants to be called cute when they're looking to get their panties soaked? Anyone with the the audacity to bestow that on me or any woman needs to be tranquilized.
You have to accept that you'll never be hot or sexy
Cuteness is a trait that nearly never goes away. Once cursed with said title, it's there forever. Or at least until you get knocked up by a Soundcloud rapper.
Try as you might to throw on all your Pretty Little Thing negligees, fuzzy pink slippers and matching robes, if you're all Toddlers and Tiaras in the face, there's no amount of black waterline eyeliner in the world to angst and age up your face.
No one EVER takes you seriously
When you're considered cute by everyone and they mama, it's inevitable that you'll be taken for granted — if you haven't already that is. Combine your PowerPuff Girl face with a genuine good-girl personality, and you're fuckboi bait, sweetie.
To be brutally honest wichu, you might as well throw in the towel right the fuck now because being cute is just another hateful descriptor by men! You have to work 10 times harder to demand some recpeck!
I really hate being called “cute”….like my daughter is cute, I’m a grown ass woman…..
— Mama Curls 💍 (@AshhNicoleee__) July 9, 2018
And if you're short, your petite ass probably gets the least respect. Literally, any chick 5'6" and under is inherently cute — and chances are, every one of her opinions have taken a backseat at some point in her life because apparently cuteness means immaturity. And god forbid you assert yourself and get told you're cute when you're angry. Nah son. Oh, and 10 more points if you're a "cute, angry Black woman."
But really, the only compliment that really matters is being called rich. Chillin' with the 99 percenters was fun, but I belong in the 1 percent where I can thrive—cute or otherwise. Just ask Elon Musk.
Related stories recommended by this writer:
Sexy Slenderman is officially the greatest of the ‘did that really need to be sexy?’ Halloween costumes
Internet cryptid, but make it fashion
by Amanda Ross
My feminist contemporaries may disagree, but I firmly believe we only advance as a society when Halloween costumes are either aggressively, unnecessarily sexual or horribly gory — preferably both! While other people spent like, two hours out of their day bitching about a sexy Meghan Markle costume or slutty Handmaiden, I spend my time on…
Blake, there’s people that are dying
The actress tries out for the Oppression Olympics
by Amanda Ross
SPOTTED: Our favorite Upper East Sider bizarrely grasping at some perceived slight, all in the name of feminism. Blake Lively is currently on a press tour promoting her new movie, A Simple Favor. Have you seen it yet? Yeah, me neither. Blake, known for her love of fashion, has worn many suits during the tour,…
MOOD: Real Housewife Kim Zolciak photoshopped her infant’s lips to make them look bigger
This is the realest
by Harry Shukman
We should never have expected anything less from Kim Zolciak, the surgery princess of the Real Housewives oeuvre, but she has edited a photo of her infant daughter to make her lips look bigger.Look at this throwback portrait of Ariana Biermann, posted by Atlanta power mom Kim, a couple days ago: Now look at the…