Free My Girl: Stormy Daniels arrested for slapping a cop with her titties

Ok fine, she's already free! But the details are too good to resist, trust me.

Stormy Daniels, porn star/political icon/one of the few women to have survived seeing Donald Trump's withered penis in real life, was arrested Wednesday night for letting Ohio strip club patrons touch her.

Apparently, in Ohio, it’s illegal for anyone for non-family members to touch semi-nude dancers — which should be the other way around, really! It's way weirder for a family member to touch a naked woman than a paying stranger IMO, but maybe I just don't understand the Ohio way.

Sirens strip club was a stop for Daniels on her Make America Horny Again tour, and her lawyers say the act that got her arrested was one she's done hundreds of times. You ready for the act?! She wears a thong, then takes out her boobs and “forces the faces of the patrons into her chest and using her bare breasts to smack the patrons," court documents read. The patrons turned out to be undercover cops (this was reeeally their assignment?) and Daniels was subsequently arrested.

She was released from jail Thursday morning and the motorboating charges were dropped a few hours later, but her lawyer still claims the arrest was politically motivated. In 2016, Daniels said she had sex with just-married Donald Trump, and she was paid off to cover it up.

Is this titty-slapping queen the feminist icon we need in 2018? Is she the real inspiration behind Stormi Webster's name? To both, I give a resounding yes.