I’ll never listen to Halsey again after this sickening lie she told us about cheating

It's not enough for her to try and steal Lana Del Rey's identity despite Lana Del Rey not even being Lana Del Rey's real identity. And it's not enough for her to have committed this crime against humanity at a mall, the one place that's supposed to be safe for everyone:

But Ashley-Halsey The Great Deceiver has crossed the line this time, and I'm so angry I can barely type this! My hands are shaking! From the rage! Or possible the off-brand Adderall, who's to say!!!!!

Here's the deal: Halsey and her boyfriend, G-Eazy (née Gerald Earl Gillum, ugh), broke up. Actually, not just broke up. He cheated on her, which is something Mr. Eazy has done a bunch in the past. I don't understand how he keeps managing to cheat on pretty, successful girls like Halsey and Lana because he looks like a mouse dressed up as Danny Zuko — and when you Google him, this is what pops up first:

G-Eazy cheated on Halsey, and she alluded to it in a series of Instagram story tiles and tweets. In one tweet, she just says "pumpkin eater" which I'm sure she thought was really clever. Then, she posted this:

First of all, it's absolutely killing me that she refers to him as G-Eazy and not Gerald in this! Do you think they call each other by their stage names when they're alone? Because I 100 percent do. Besides, no one is yelling out the name Gerald in the throes of passion. But on to the real point!

In their joint song Him & I — which I publicly decry as the Worst, Most Grammatically Incorrect Song Ever but secretly listen to daily — Gerald Eazy says if Halsey ever caught him cheating, "she'd cut my dick off." And Halsey co-signed it with a censoring giggle on the track, which I'm sure she also thought was ridiculously clever.

Halsey, who stakes so much of her identity on being "real" and "authentic" and "high on legal marijuana" just made money lying to you people. For every $1.29 download on iTunes, she's lining her pockets with deception. She says she would cut his fucking dick off for cheating…and then when he actually cheats, she just fucking cryptically tweets about it like a teenager with a CuriousCat account ???????? Did she even threaten him with a knife? Did she even try to run him over with her car? I'm sick over this.

Halsey, you might forgive Gerald, but I will never forgive you.

Related Stories:

● Halsey wants to be Lana Del Rey soooo bad, and we have proof

● Can someone please explain WHY we’re letting G-Eazy happen?

● We need to talk about the very funny, very weird way Halsey got famous