We asked girls for their best breakup tips and they’ll come handy for your next toxic relationship
Where were ya’ll sixth months ago?
by Ari Bines
Here's an unpopular opinion for you: I'd much rather be dumped than have to initiate the dumping of my significant other. We asked our readers to give us their best advice on how to end a relationship gone sour.
Honesty is your best friend when it comes to a breakup. Personally, I was very honest about how I was feeling and why things needed to end. The more honest you are the better, nothing ends up being messy or muddy. The cleaner, the better.
Try to be considerate of their feelings. I wrote a pros and cons list to get my feelings organized which helped me work out what I wanted to say.
Start with a sort of positive comment, then list your reasons and if possible try and leave it on a nice note and thank the person for things you learned or maybe the nice memories you may have shared.
I just went backpacking solo for 3 days to clear my head. That might not be the safest reaction buuuut I just needed space away from people that I didn't have to put on a face for. It gave me plenty of time to think through everything and run through all the stages of anger, guilt, frustration, and sadness in peace.
Cry. A lot. It sounds super weird, but I found that when you force yourself to cry out your feelings, you can think better. Getting ready for a breakup is like you're about to mourn the death of someone close to you, so getting all the tears is good for you to think in a clear setting.
Ask for some space from the person. Spend a week or two cutting ties from them and see how you feel without the other person in your life for the allotted time. It gives you a chance to imagine life as a single gal again and you're closer to understanding what you want. Sometimes, it may not be a relationship at all.
Talk to your siblings about it. Surprisingly, it doesn't matter if they're younger or older than you. Younger siblings will give it to you straight up because they haven't settled into insecurity yet and older siblings obviously have the wisdom from when they were your age.
Skip talking to your friends too much because they're your peers and don't know too much else than you already do.
I talked to my now-ex's mom. I realize this isn't an adventure for everyone, but it helped me. I had a really good relationship with my boyfriend's mom and she cared for me just as she did her son, so she gave me her opinions as honestly as she could because she knew so much of our relationship.
Bring tissues! As stupid as it sounds, you think you won't be crying during your breakup, but you will because you have to be prepared to hear some things that may not be what you want to hear. Also, there have been so many times where I was unprepared for a breakup and everyone ends up putting snot on their sleeves.
Do it in a private setting. I've seen some ugly breakups in my time because they wanted to do it in a coffee shop or a park. I'm from a small town and word gets out so fast that you don't want the details of your breakup to be outed before you've even had the chance to talk about it with your besties.
Don't hold back anything because you'll regret it if you've left something out. Initiating the breakup is never easy, but if you forget something or leave something out just to spare their feelings some more, you're denying yourself the closure you deserve.
My best friend reopened old wounds with her ex because she didn't voice all her reasons for dumping the guy, but it's like finally getting a clean slate.
Related stories recommended by this writer: