Who’s right? Me or this Timothee Chalamet stan?
The War of the Rat II: Musty Strikes Back
by Amanda Ross
I'm woman enough to admit when I'm wrong, but I'm also wise enough to know I've never been wrong. When that day comes, I'll be happy to cop to it. In the meantime, though, I've gotta double-down when faced with y'all blind salamanders who think ugly dudes are actually hot.
Like today, when I was innocently browsing my Instagram filtered messages folder. Most of the DMs were by weird dudes from Tinder attempting to shoot their shot. Until I'm famous enough to be spammed with "Come to Brazil!" messages, Tinder Men are an acceptable fanbase. But there was one message that stood out. It wasn't a bald dad asking me to sit on his face, or a "Nice pics!" from a guy wearing a sport coat with jeans in his profile picture. It was from a user named timotheeandapples (?) and he had this to say:
I don't know what apples have to do with anything (he fucks a peach, ya?) and for a second, I couldn't even remember when I called Timmy a musty sewer rat. I mean, I knew that I must have called him a musty sewer rat at some point because a) he looks like a musty sewer rat, and b) I love to call everyone a musty sewer rat. But then I remembered this Slack conversation between me and some coworkers, published to babe dot net earlier this year:
The "edited picture" in question is included below, but TRIGGER WARNING: it is sickening, and an assault to the eyes.
Is the picture edited? No one can say for certain. All I know is I didn't personally edit it, and also that it looks like it could be real — which is really unfortunate for Tim and also, in my opinion, exonerates whoever did edit it. But the question remains: who's right in this argument? Timotheeandapples, who thinks I'm disrespectful, or me? Little ol' me, who dared to speak my truth about that thumb ring-wearing twink-but-not-a-twink who got famous pretending to bottom for Armie Hammer?
Look, I know it'd be easy to call me wrong. People see me and it's like, oh pretty girl, let's all hate on her. But get past my perfect visage and see me for what I truly am: a genius who's never made a mistake in her life.