If you sell essential oils and other shit on Facebook then death is too good for you

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If you sell essential oils and other shit on Facebook then death is too good for you

Hey girly!

Essential oils, which are good for absolutely nothing except being pungent, have become a timeline scourge. They're being forced down your throat like the sickly, good-for-nothing lavender fluid they are. And the worst people on earth are doing it.

The oily assholes who have signed up to sell you scented water over social media are like a cult: horrid, weird, and they've already sucked in your gullible aunt. They are the people who see a tragic event (Anthony Bourdain dying, for instance) and spot a business opportunity (these essential oils will "support your mental health").

Look at this:

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Stop

This garbage trend has become such an issue, an entire message board with a quarter of a million subscribers has become devoted to it. AntiMLM (multi level marketing) is where people share stories about being approached with messages from weirdo acquaintances hawking their essential oils, herbal pills and teas that make you shit your pants. Joining their ranks are Facebook groups "sounds like mlm but ok" and "Oils won't fix that, Brenda."

A lot of them picked up on Bourdain's suicide as a peg for their shitty products:

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But these groups also call out any number of schemes selling exercise programs, crash diets and magic bean powder. Here's one sent to a girl saying: "All that food you post looks tasty af, but not so tasty on the hips!! I can help you shed those extra 5-10 lbs and get you beach ready."

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'You're just a bitch'

Ditto this: "These oils are natural, perfectly safe and will turn your life around!! 😍I gave some to a friend who has serious depression and suicide thoughts, and they snapped right out of it."

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Here's a Facebook post (which wouldn't even appear to be a gag – there is such a thing as a patriotic passion blend) about how on 9/11, "we fill our diffusers with a patriotic blend."

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Respect the troops by purchasing my liquid

The posts go on and on – this is a shill for a supplement company posting on a thread about a child who died because of a peanut allergy, bragging she "healed [her] seasonal allergies, lost weight, energy giving, blood sugar balancing natural plant based products that actually work!"

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I cured my entire ass wanna know how

Stop this sick scam!

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