Meet neckcels: The men who are convinced they aren’t getting laid because their necks aren’t thick enough
Only LOSERS have skinny necks!!
by Nian Hu
If you thought that incels were weird, then boy do we have some exciting news for you. Get ready: there is an actual community of sad men online who call themselves "neckcels."
These poor dudes are convinced that there is only one reason women aren't sleeping with them. No, it's not because of their shitty personalities or blatant misogyny — it's because their necks aren't thick enough.
This guy writes: "My neck is, i'm not even kidding, like 13.5in in circumference. from the side it looks absolutely pathetic and exaggerates my forward head posture, and then from the front it exacerbates my narrow chin problem. is there anything i can even do aside from gain weight? pls help a neckcel in need."
According to neckcels, a thicc neck is EVERYTHING. The thicker the neck, the more bitches you pull. That's just a fact! There is nothing that turns women on more than a nice thick, veiny, girthy neck. Ohhh yeah. The girthier, the better.
"It is a marker of high testosterone, and therefore male fertility and health," claims a 100 percent true document unearthed from Reddit, proving that neckcels not only spend far too much time thinking about how to get laid but they also have a flagrant disregard for basic science.
The good news for neckcels is that their greatest flaw — and the ONLY reason why women aren't having sex with them — can be easily remedied with some good ol' neck training.
Men who have been cursed with a pencil neck can turn to YouTube exercise gurus to learn how to "train your neck" and "build a thick neck."
Muscular Chads flex their girthy necks on camera and explain the secret to their success while neckcels furiously take notes and women everywhere explode with uninhibited sexual desire.
So next time you're at the gym and you see a dude doing neck curls in the corner, remember that you are in the presence of a TRUE ALPHA MALE. Bow down before his virility.
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