Limber up, girls and gays! It’s almost Big Boi Season
I say this as sweat rolls off my titties
by Amanda Ross
Maybe I'll regret saying this in four months when it's cold enough to freeze the Juvederm XL packed into my lips — but right now I'm so hot I want to claw my skin off and all I can think about is crisp fall weather, bargain bin cashmere sweaters from Nordstorm Rack, and Big Bois. Yes, y'all! We're weeks away from the official kickoff to Big Boi Season.
When my sassy brother (you know what that's code for!) first told me about the Big Boi Season of legend, I thought it was something his slutty ass made up. But then I did some googling and I can confirm that just like Cuffing Season, Big Boi Season is all too real. Urban Dictionary says it's this:
This is close, but I take a few issues with this. First of all, I can't say that word! Second, I can say with full confidence that Big Boi Season actually begins on September 1. And while I might not be completely sure on the true meaning of bag (though my mind immediately goes to Usher's smash-hit song Love In This Club in which he sings, It's going down on aisle three / I'll bag you like some groceries), it's sounds overtly sexual — but Big Boi Season is mostly about cuddling.
Cuddling with muscular dudes is like trying to lay comfortably on a garbage bag full of remotes. It can be fun, but I'd rather lay on a bean bag! While summertime might be called Buff Guy Season (or, alternatively, Brett/Skylar/Trent Season), it's a season for fucking. Big Boi Season is about snuggling and lazy sex and hey hand me that leftover carton of lo mein please? And I am so ready for it.