When it comes to interracial dating, there’s a double standard for Black women
We can’t seem to catch a break
As a Black woman who's crossed the great racial divide more than once, I’ve seen first-hand how interracial relationships get judged and ostracized (I’ve been called out of my name many, many times). My relationships, my friends', and even celebrities' prove that time and again, it’s Black women who get more scrutiny for dating outside the color lines — way more than their male counterparts
It's especially evident with celebrity relationships, which sets the tone for the 'real world'
Let's talk about my favorite case study, the Kardashians: We’ve got Kimye, Kris and Corey, Trav and Tyga for Kylie, Tristan and Lamar for Khloe, Ben Simmons for Kendall (and none for Gretchen Wieners, by which I mean Kourt). There’s clearly no question they like dating Black people, and Khloe even once revealed on her show Kocktails with Khloe that she’s “never seen a white penis.” Good for you, girl!
Here's the thing, though: no one batted an eye. We didn't see the girls under fire for their choices, and we didn't even really see any of their men criticized for dating them. But if we look at Black female celebrities who date outside their race, it's a different story entirely.
When it was announced that Serena Williams and the Reddit guy were tying the knot, it was pandemonium. Ebony even published an article on the outrage her engagement caused, most of which was from Black men.
Lupita Nyog’o made headlines after it was speculated that she’d once had a relationship with Jared Leto (as if that was some sort of secret that needed unveiling, loool). And, of course, who could forget the backlash when rapper Eve got married to a Brit named Maximillion Cooper? She was roundly dismissed as a sellout after building a career on gangster rap.
We know celebrities are infinitely interesting in general but for these stars, race is the main talking point when discussing their relationships and that leads to race being the main talking point when we discuss our own relationships.
Black men are called out — but only if they’re a high-profile poster child for #BlackExcellence
In actuality, we see more Black men in interracial relationships than Black women (twice as many, actually) but they face a significantly lower degree of scrutiny…with one notable exception: men who are considered pillars of the Black community are slated for dating outside their race. These are men who would sometimes be referred to as the ones who “got out” and spend their time in Hollywood advancing an agenda of equality. In doing so, they've set high expectations for themselves and are held a higher standard of Blackness, which is bullshit.
The list of prominent Black men dating non-Black women includes Michael B. Jordan, and Childish Gambino, who has two children with a woman named Michelle and was described by the The Root as “caught in the middle.” I also can’t ignore the fact that Power Man himself (or Luke Cage, if you don’t read the comics) has received criticism for marrying Netflix executive Iva Colter. TV One even polled fans asking if they were upset about Colter’s marriage to a white woman and unfortunately, over 20 percent chose “not gonna lie, I’m a little hurt.”
The double-standard is a painful reality
I’m all for interracial relationships (even lost my V-card to the white guy, crucify me!) but the outraged Black men who think Black women are going to sit around waiting for them to realize our worth are living in another dimension. Black women exist neither to be complicit in nor promotional of your male entitlement because you think we’re broken or that we won’t seek out love in forms that are not you, because you are straight-up tripp’n, bruh.
Yes, it’s possible: Here’s how to stay friends with your exes
Don’t be That Couple
by Caroline Phinney
Personally, I do not condone remaining friends with an ex but occasionally you have no other choice unless you're willing to risk losing all your friends along with them. Maybe you've been dating since high school, maybe your sorority and his frat mixed in college, or maybe your post-college lives are just so deeply intertwined…
You’re in the outback and this kangaroo slaps your girl’s ass. What do you do?
She’s not your girlfriend anymore, mate
by Nian Hu
You (22 M) are in a wonderful relationship with your girlfriend (21 F) of five years. You adore her to pieces and you intend to ask for her hand in marriage soon. She is your light, your universe, your everything. And one day she will be your wife and mother of your children. You take…
How soon is too soon to say ‘I love you,’ and other things you’re definitely stressing over
There are rules, people
by Caroline Phinney
Do you ever remember embarrassing moments from your past and feel an intense full body cringe come on, as if you were back in it, living that exact moment again? Like the time in the 6th grade you told Tyler you had a crush on him, and then he told the entire class you were…