So You Think You Were Born In The Wrong Generation

Times are tough, I get it. We have to swipe through Tinder for dates, pay $4 for gas, and don't yet have the ability to keep YouTube music playing which we scroll through Twitter. These crippling hardships have lead some people in our age bracket to develop a subset of Pick Me Syndrome, in which they crrrryyyyy about how they were born in the wrong generation.

I get it, things were cool then!

Close your eyes and let me paint this picture: The year is 1942. You're wearing a floaty, lemon yellow skirt swishing around your toned ankles (they hadn't invented high fructose corn syrup yet.) You gaze at a heart-shaped picture frame on your nightstand containing a photo of your true love, Jimmy, who's stationed in France. Is that…a knock on the door? Maybe it's some friends asking you to come down to the soda shop! No, it's a uniformed man! He hands you a letter and a folded American flag! Jimmy died, he was run over by his own tank.

I'm trying to think of a romantic idealization of the 30s for this guy, but my mind has just drifted to wondering if anyone's ever made a porn set in the Great Depression or like the Dust Bowl. "I'm gonna fill your Great Depression" is something someone's surely said, right? The Grapes of Ass???

But I also get that y'all are starving for attention

Pick Me Twitter has several factions, including No Makeup Twitter, Born In The Wrong Generation Twitter, Single By Choice Twitter. They can converge, they can be at odds, but they're all united for purpose of getting the person they like to say, "Wow, (s)he listens to The Beatles…so different and rare…not the hip-hop claptrap of today!" and ask them out.

But things have literally never been better in 2018

I don't know about y'all, but I'm super happy that I was born in a time of both equality(ish) and athleisure. Bike shorts are stylish and if you go to any corner gas station, you're presented with hundreds of nacho cheese-flavored snacks packed with more salt and sugar in one bite than even the richest man of the 50s could ever dream of! I guess old music is a major peg for this wrong generation thing, but I've got some news for y'all:

First of all, Stevie Wonder is still alive, bitch! He's still out there making music and possibly pretending to be blind. Also, don't let those ugly $30 vinyls at Urban Outfitters fool you: digital music is music in its best form — like, you can practically hear the sounds of John Lennon abusing his family in the background of Yellow Submarine, the updated audio is so quality.

What I do know is this is something every generation does. In 30 years, my kids are gonna be singing "Kiki, do you love me?" in the back of my Space Mercedes and I'm gonna turn it up and say "WHAT Y'ALL KNOW ABOUT THIS?!" and laugh with my husband. And also we're rich.