Teenage girls in Michigan fought off a would-be kidnapper with iced coffee

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Teenage girls in Michigan fought off a would-be kidnapper with iced coffee

Grande iced chai latte saves lives

Has anyone ever made fun of you for your iced coffee? Called you "basic," maybe? Iced coffee, the beloved beverage of basic bitches all over the country, has a much-maligned reputation.

But we're here to tell you that all the haters are WRONG. Iced coffee is not only a delicious and refreshing drink that packs the perfect punch of caffeine, but it is also out here saving lives.

When a man tried to kidnap an 11-year-old girl named Allison at a summer festival, her friends immediately went in for the kill.

"They threw iced coffee at him until he finally let go of Allison," Aaron Eickoff, Allison's father, told the New York Times.

In the face of the potent caffeinated liquid, the man had no choice but admit defeat. He sprinted away from the scene, leaving the girls to go seek help at a nearby hotel.

But it doesn't end there! Iced coffee AGAIN swooped in to help the police find the suspect. As the New York Times article points out, the would-be kidnapper was "located later that night walking down a village street, identified by the coffee stains on his shirt."

It is unclear why the dude didn't just change out of his coffee-stained shirt. Aside from making yourself less identifiable to the cops, wouldn't you also want to — uhh I don't know — change into a shirt that's dry and NOT drenched in coffee?

One can only assume that again, the power of the iced coffee was too strong. In the face of such a formidable foe, the man had no choice but submit himself before the authorities. That is the only rational explanation for this severe lapse in judgment.

Forget Mace or rape whistles! What we SHOULD be doing is arming every single teenage girl with cups of iced coffee — a lethal enemy that nobody can face in battle and emerge victorious.

@nian_hu