I’m no doctor, but I don’t think those pills that ‘turn food into zero calories’ actually work

I, a big idiot without a science degree, should not be the one to tell you this, but no pill exists that can actually block fat and carbs so you can eat whatever you want. In the Venn diagram between people a) who think essential oils cure cancer and b) have scientific proof the Earth is flat, there is a group of credulous morons who sell these magic bean pills and say you can eat anything without absorbing any of the calories.

It's called the Advanced Formula Fat Fighter with Carb Inhibitors pill, sold by the supplement company It Works!, affectionately known online as Shit Works! It's one of those hateful multilevel marketing schemes, only they sell this miracle pill that is LITERALLY the Kälteen bar from Mean Girls. Some version of this is probably all over your timeline right now:

The It Works! site says the Advanced Formula Fat Fighter with Carb Inhibitors pill is based off a cactus (which as we know is the skintiest plant in the ecosystem). Take the pill, they say, and it will absorb "the fat and carbohydrates from your food so that your body doesn’t!" (If you guessed that the FDA had not evaluated that statement, you are correct.)

And excuse me please, but is that not the Kälteen bar? The bar that Cady convinces Regina George to eat because: "It burns carbs… just burns up all your carbs."

This is obviously bogus, but it hasn't stopped your the dunces from your hometown doing posts like this:

It's a scam! How would that even work! Block fat and carbs… where are they going? Straight out your ass? I call bullshit!

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@hshukman