An exhaustive guide to every pet Lena Dunham’s adopted, abandoned, loved and killed

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An exhaustive guide to every pet Lena Dunham’s adopted, abandoned, loved and killed

It’s surprisingly hard to keep up!

by Nian Hu

One of the greatest mysteries in the universe is exactly how many animals Lena Dunham owns. Just how many pets do you have, lady?? A seemingly straightforward query, it's complicated by the fact that nearly every other day something tragic and terrible happens to one of her pets.

From death to abandonment, many horrible outcomes await the creatures that are under Lena's care. Let's take a quick look at every single one of Lena Dunham's pets — including the dead ones, the abandoned ones, and the ones that she still owns…for now.

Lamby

A lot of you have been asking where Lamby is these days since he's always been the star of my gram and I've been posting pics of my poodle girls. Well, you know honesty is my jam but this one has been really heartbreaking to talk about. But I feel I have to share that last March, after four years of challenging behavior and aggression that could not be treated with training or medication or consistent loving dog ownership, Lamby went to live at an amazing professional facility in Los Angeles @matt_thezendog where an awesome person named @therealdanishay (who is educated in a rescue dog's specific trauma) loves him so hard. Lamby suffered terrible abuse as a pup that made having him in a typical home environment dangerous to him and others- we needed to be responsible to ourselves, our neighbors and especially our beloved boy. Jack and I will miss him forever but sometimes when you love something you have to let it go (especially when it requires tetanus shots and stitches.) Someday I'll really write about the pain and relief of letting Lamby go off and really be Lamby, biting and peeing in his own mouth and all. There were so many lessons in it, about forgiving myself and loving with an open palm and giving in to a larger plan. Shout out to @jennikonner for listening to endless hours of Lamby pain, and especially my partner @jackantonoff for loving him even when he ruined floors and couches and our life. Jack knows what Lamby means to me and he let me come to the decision in my own time even when it made his days challenging. Susan & Karen will never be my first loves, but they are fuzzy and hilarious stuffing for the hole Lamby left and we cherish them deeply ❤️#lamby #thefirstcutisthedeepest #foreverlamb PS If you have a similar situation, please know its possible to responsibly re-home your rescue rather than sending them back into the shelter system. It can require patience, diligence and often a financial contribution but there are solutions that leave everyone happy and safe. You will always have been your dog's first stop outside shelter life and that's beautiful.

A post shared by Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) on

Poor, poor Lamby. This was the start of Lena Dunham's pet-related drama, and the moment people realized that she was not only shitty towards POC, but also really shitty towards animals. She claimed that Lamby "suffered terrible abuse as a pup" which is why she was forced to abandon him, but…it turns out that wasn't exactly true. Like, at ALL. Let's be real: she gave up her own dog because she just didn't want him anymore. Not a great look!

Bowie

As many of you know, in the last 3 months my heart was stolen by an irascible 13 year old Yorkie named Bowie. After spending a lifetime with my sister @scotlan, her home now contained a baby and another on the way and Bowie’s crotchety old self wouldn’t condone it so she came to live with me, and what started as a tentative guardianship became a full scale obsession. We went to brunch and therapy and the set of a TV show and took at least 5 flights across the US. We laid our heads in a few very chic hotel rooms and walked up and down the river a million miles. She made me feel safe and strong in a sea of change and reminded me that joy needn’t be diminished by a bunch o’ imperfect body parts (she wielded her 3 teeth/3 working legs in style.) My head knew she was 91 in dog years, but my heart felt she was just a sweet baby. On August 13th this sweet baby old mama went to her final home. After a weekend of rapid decline, I knew it was time to let her go so Scotty and I (along with her super model baby Clementine and her wise, cozy husband @mf.goodtimes) came together to bid her farewell. It was peaceful and patient and loving. We laughed and cried like the family that Bowie has made us. Bowie left everyone who saw her, in the street or the airport or the Rite Aid, with a crazy smile. She kept me safe at night, even if it was just from the indistinct shadow of a tank top strewn over a lamp. She made Scotty and my friendship something eternal and deep and boundless. I am so lucky to have been her second mom. I love you Scotty, Clem, JJ and my darling @iolovesyou for capturing it all. Please eat a grilled chicken breast in honor of your second favorite glam rocker today. Meanwhile, I’ll be donating to @seespotrescued in her name, for dogs who don’t have homes and dogs who need new ones.

A post shared by Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) on

Well, at least Lamby suffered a better fate than Bowie. Bowie, a 13-year-old Yorkshire Terrier, was the most recent tragedy. The unfortunate half-blind canine died suddenly a few days ago. We wrote about Bowie before where we observed that the dog looked HIGHLY uncomfortable to be anywhere near Lena's vanilla-complexioned face. Now it all makes sense. RIP Bowie.

Gia Marie

But wait — this isn't the first time an animal has died suddenly under Lena's watchful gaze! Jesus Christ, how many pets does this woman have? In June, her Sphynx cat named Gia Marie passed away. Lena said the death was "sudden and beyond anyone's control." What the hell is going on over there, Lena?? Why are all of these animals dying suddenly and unexpectedly?

Karen

Oh, but don't you worry. Lena also has a collection of living animals that she can rub her oily cheeks against. Lucky them…? One of her not-yet-dead and not-yet-abandoned dogs is a small brown poodle named Karen D'Amango.

Susan

And then there's another slightly-less-brown poodle named Susan Simmons. They're both super cute but, uhhh, what's with the weirdly human names, Lena? Is it so you can say things like, "Aww, Susan Simmons took a massive shit on my carpet." Yeah that's gonna be a huge NO from me.

Candy

I know I am a beloved child of God! I have zero problems! LYLAS- Candy

A post shared by Lamby & Friends (@lambyzoo) on

Okay wait, what the fuck. This is not — I reiterate, this is NOT — the same Sphynx cat that had died in June. No this is an entirely different Sphynx cat. And it is, as far as I know, still alive.

Irma

There's ANOTHER one of these creepy hairless felines wandering around her house?? This one's still alive, right? God, I mean I like cats just as much as the next person, but that's a LOT of wrinkly cats under one roof. And what an oddly specific breed of cat to continue purchasing en masse, over and over again, to replace all the dead ones.

Lena — I have no idea what you're doing or why you're doing it. Perhaps she has a massive void in her life to fill, and the only thing that does the trick is an endless stream of small brownish dogs and Sphynx cats. To each their own, I suppose!

@nian_hu

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