Did you really think Warren Buffett was tweeting inspirational advice for teens?
Smart grind always pays off
Warren Buffett, the billionare investor with a face like a dangly ballsack, is not dispensing advice for locals. And yet, people being people, they have fallen for a fake Warren Buffett account that tweets vanilla platitudes meant to inspire the extremely basic:
Unless you're a total dunce and didn't spot that Warren Buffett has a real and verified account or that Warren Buffett's fake account misspelled his own name – HOW could you have thought that an 87-year-old business mogul would tweet that holding DOORS open was cool? (Also aren't apologizing when you were wrong and admitting when you were wrong the same thing?)
Why would Warren Buffett, the third wealthiest man in the world, give a shit that you might be overeating or don't drink enough water or have too much clutter in your dorm room? Do you think Warren Buffett wants you to "smile, right now"?
Do you think Warren Buffett, a man who was born in the Year of Our Lord 1930, really likes to say "smart grind always pays off"?
Slightly off topic, but isn't it such a local concern that you might be associating with "the wrong people"? Not actually committing crimes with the wrong people, or bullying orphans with the wrong people, or even, I don't know, running red lights with the wrong people, but just associating with them.
This unique brand of sincere advice is being eaten up by every moron on Twitter – "truth!!" says one fan, "#MotivationMonday" agrees another, and my favorite: "It's really that simple, but some of y'all don't even try."
The real Warren Buffett is not a student athlete. He does not have a metal engraving of John 3:16 on his wall. He does not have a boyfriend called Hunter and he does not plan to name his child Kayleigh. Fuck knows what Warren Buffett is really doing, other than having billions of dollars and a scrotum on his neck, but it's not be the superstar of local Twitter!
Still, what's he going to tweet next?
• Is your boyfriend in a frat? Leak his racist groupchat messages to us!
• This giant virgin made a comic with a Confederate superhero
• I’m no doctor, but I don’t think those pills that ‘turn food into zero calories’ actually work
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