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Did you really think Warren Buffett was tweeting inspirational advice for teens?
Smart grind always pays off
Warren Buffett, the billionare investor with a face like a dangly ballsack, is not dispensing advice for locals. And yet, people being people, they have fallen for a fake Warren Buffett account that tweets vanilla platitudes meant to inspire the extremely basic:
Here's what's cool:
1 saying 'thank you'
2 apologizing when wrong
3 showing up on time
4 being nice to strangers
5 listening without interrupting
6 admitting you were wrong
7 following your dreams
8 being a mentor
9 learning and using people's names
10 holding doors open— Warren Buffet (@warrenbuffet99) August 26, 2018
Healthy List:
1 remove clutter
2 spend time w/ people smarter than you
3 wake up early/waste less time
4 listen better/pay attention
5 less sugar & meat
6 seek feedback from mentors
7 focus more
8 give some charity today
9 less time on mindless chatter
10 exercise/eat healthy— Warren Buffet (@warrenbuffet99) August 28, 2018
Unless you're a total dunce and didn't spot that Warren Buffett has a real and verified account or that Warren Buffett's fake account misspelled his own name – HOW could you have thought that an 87-year-old business mogul would tweet that holding DOORS open was cool? (Also aren't apologizing when you were wrong and admitting when you were wrong the same thing?)
Why would Warren Buffett, the third wealthiest man in the world, give a shit that you might be overeating or don't drink enough water or have too much clutter in your dorm room? Do you think Warren Buffett wants you to "smile, right now"?
Do you think Warren Buffett, a man who was born in the Year of Our Lord 1930, really likes to say "smart grind always pays off"?
You will not regret
1 Spending quality time with loved ones
2 Following your dreams
3 Choosing work that brings you joy
4 Investing in your wellbeingYou will regret
1 Worrying about things that don't matter
2 Stressing over a job
3 Overeating
4 Staying around the wrong people— Warren Buffet (@warrenbuffet99) August 26, 2018
A Healthy List:
1 Wake up and smile
2 Meditate / Pray
3 Drink more water
4 Eat less sugar
5 Clean your living space
6 Read and write more
7 Remove clutter
8 Don't respond to nonsense
9 Spend quality time with family
10 Show gratitude
11 Forgive first
12 Exercise— Warren Buffet (@warrenbuffet99) August 26, 2018
10 success tips:
1 Stop talking so much.
2 Read more.
3 Patience is a virtue.
4 Smart grind always pays off.
5 Eat healthy, do cardio.
6 Stay away from toxic people.
7 Giving is better than receiving.
8 Clean up your room.
9 Keep your day organized.
10 Don't waste time or money.— Warren Buffet (@warrenbuffet99) August 27, 2018
Slightly off topic, but isn't it such a local concern that you might be associating with "the wrong people"? Not actually committing crimes with the wrong people, or bullying orphans with the wrong people, or even, I don't know, running red lights with the wrong people, but just associating with them.
The most expensive thing you will ever do is spend time with the wrong people.
— Warren Buffet (@warrenbuffet99) August 28, 2018
This unique brand of sincere advice is being eaten up by every moron on Twitter – "truth!!" says one fan, "#MotivationMonday" agrees another, and my favorite: "It's really that simple, but some of y'all don't even try."
The real Warren Buffett is not a student athlete. He does not have a metal engraving of John 3:16 on his wall. He does not have a boyfriend called Hunter and he does not plan to name his child Kayleigh. Fuck knows what Warren Buffett is really doing, other than having billions of dollars and a scrotum on his neck, but it's not be the superstar of local Twitter!
Still, what's he going to tweet next?
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