I don’t understand why everyone’s so thirsty for Peter Kavinsky…?

ED NOTE: In this house, we stan a 'whoa-whoa-whoa' legend but Nian makes some valid points here. Settle this fight for us, please!

It's hard for people to come to a consensus these days. Seems like every time I log onto Twitter, everyone's squabbling over the latest Trump tweet or problematic meme! But finally, at long last, it appears like the Internet is united in agreement about ONE thing: Peter Kavinsky is the absolute dream boyfriend.

All over social media, everyone — from the hopeless romantics to the jaded cynics — has been simultaneously falling in love with this dark-haired, puppy-eyed stallion and praying with all their hearts for a Peter Kavinsky to appear in their lives and buy Korean yogurt drinks for them.

Well, I'm here to tell everyone that they're wrong. Peter Kavinsky is mediocre, overrated, and a huge asshole.

Don't believe me? Here's the beginning of the long list of receipts proving that Peter Kavinsky ain't shit.

First of all, at the beginning of the movie, Peter is dating a literal she-devil.

This bitch didn't make a ton of appearances, thank GOD, but whenever she did, I literally felt residual trauma because she reminded me so strongly of all the mean girls who bullied me in high school.

This Ugg-wearing gremlin not only made fun of Lara Jean's super cute combat boots, BUT ALSO had the audacity to slut shame her in front of the entire school. And THIS is the girl that Peter fell head over heels in love with??

Look, I'm sick and tired of the rom-com trope that is "amazing boy just happens to have a mean girlfriend, but he's actually super nice, trust me!!" because that simply ISN'T TRUE. I'm sorry, but the person you choose to date says a lot about you.

Your MCM found the cruelest, glassy-eyed little mayonnaise-colored goblin in the entire school and was like "omg she's PERFECT for me, time to cuff." And even when she started picking on Lara Jean for her boots, Peter just…stood there. He might not be a bully himself, but he dated one and he tacitly condoned her behavior. And that makes him just as bad, IMO.

Next, he gave away Lara Jean's favorite scrunchie to aforementioned she-devil and NEVER. GOT. IT. BACK

Everyone is swooning over the part where he reassures Lara Jean, "You were never second best," but uhhh actions speak louder than words — and Peter Kavinsky, where is Lara Jean's favorite scrunchie?

Oh right! You gave it to your ex-girlfriend! You knew how much that scrunchie meant to Lara Jean. And yet, you just sat there helplessly on the bathroom counter like the useless doormat that you are while this mediocre-looking mousy-haired pile of vanilla pudding took it from you and put it in her greasy dirt-colored hair.

And he doesn't even TRY to get it back from her. "I'm gonna keep it for a while, 'kay?" she says. And with that, Peter Kavinsky is utterly stumped. Shit, how do you refute such an airtight argument?

Sure, you can argue that at this point in the movie he hasn't developed feelings for Lara Jean yet. But it's still a dick move to give away someone's treasured possession to another person. It's like that kid in middle school who borrowed your favorite sparkly gel pen and then had the audacity to give it to someone else and tell you, "Sorry, I lost it." That kid was a DICK, and so is Peter Kavinsky.

Also, was it REALLY necessary for Peter to go to his ex-girlfriend's room on the ski trip?

So the central conflict of the rom-com is when Peter's devilish ex-girlfriend tells Lara Jean that he slept over in her room on the last night of the ski trip. Understandably, Lara Jean is SHOOK because that was the same night that Peter finally confessed his feelings for her and kissed her for real.

Fortunately, it all turns out to be a big misunderstanding! But of course. "The reason that I went to Jen's room that night is to tell her that it's over," Peter tells Lara Jean at the end of the movie before declaring his undying love for her.

Well, isn't that convenient! And with that, Lara Jean forgives him immediately and never brings it up ever again.

HOLD UP. I have some questions!

First of all, am I really expected to believe that this cowardly excuse of a boy — who, as you may recall, didn't even have the balls to ask his ex to give back Lara Jean's favorite scrunchie — somehow had the spine to walk all the way to his ex's room, spend the night with her, and NOT hook up with her?? Yeah, I don't think so. Given her powers of seduction and his strong resemblance to a doormat, the chances of them not hooking up that night are slim to none.

Second, he should have told Lara Jean right away that he went to his ex's room and ended things once and for all. Communication is important in any relationship! And Peter had the perfect opportunity to tell her on the bus ride — but instead, like the inconsiderate swine that he is, he passed out on Lara Jean's shoulder instead because he was "sooooo tired."

Hmm…why are you so tired, Peter Kavinsky? Didn't you get enough sleep when you were innocently spending the night with your ex-girlfriend?

And finally, even if he did do nothing except break up with her that night, he STILL didn't ask her for Lara Jean's scrunchie back. Goddammit, boy, you had one job!

So there you go — hard, irrefutable evidence that your dream boyfriend is nothing more than your average, run-of-the-mill teenage douchebag

The only thing that I've learned from all this is that the bar is set so INCREDIBLY low for straight men that a mediocre high school-age idiot like Peter Kavinsky only rises to the tier of "unattainable boyfriend of my wildest dreams" simply because he isn't an abusive piece of shit.

Most of us have spent our whole lives watching Christian Grey sexually assault Anastasia Steele and Edward Cullen possessively stalk Bella Swan and Chuck Bass punch a window that shatters onto Blair Waldorf's face — all in the name of true love. We're so used to seeing men treat the women they profess to love like disposable objects that they own.

So of course a romantic lead like Peter Kavinsky is going to feel like a breath of fresh air. He does the absolute bare minimum in being a decent human being!

Congratulations, Peter Kavinsky, you didn't punch Lara Jean in the face or break into her house to watch her sleep. Boyfriend GOALS, am I right?

@nian_hu