Bow down before your wrinkly queen!
Most people vaguely know that the Smithsonian Institute is a massive museum in Washington, DC with an impressive collection of cool art and stuff. What people don't know, however, is that the Smithsonian also has an absolute fire new reality TV show.
Move aside, Keeping Up With the Kardashians! There's a new trashy reality show in town. Full of sex, intrigue, and power struggles, this show is bound to soon become the Internet's latest obsession. Introducing the one and only: NAKED MOLE RAT WEBCAM.
Oh hell yeah, sign me the fuck up. Just look at those wrinkly little uncircumcised penises scrambling around in their own feces and half-eaten spinach leaves. Talk about putting the "trash" in "trashy!"
No reality show, however, is complete without a domineering matriarch. And luckily for us, there isn't just a bossy mom/conniving businesswoman rocking a pixie cut calling all the shots behind the scenes — there's an actual, real-life queen.
And she's absolutely beautiful.
SLAY, KWEEN!!
Observe her regal stance — how elegantly she arches her crinkled back, how gently her whiskers flutter in the breeze, how tastefully she clasps her yellow-taloned paws together as she dines on an unidentifiable substance!
The queenly effect is only slightly marred by the fact that she is almost certainly eating her own poop. Curious about the diet of these noble beasts, I embarked on a Google search and found, much to my horror, that their diet mainly consists of feces.
Regardless! She is a boss bitch not to be disrespected. This absolute #girlboss has given birth more times than most of us have gone to third base. In fact, she gave life to every single damn naked mole rat in her colony. Damn, she must contain MULTITUDES!
Furthermore, she only breeds with a "few chosen males." She actually has some standards, unlike the rest of you hoes. And since she gave birth to every rat in her colony, I can only assume that she is doing the dirty with her sons.
That's some Game of Thrones-level messed up shit, and I'm HERE for it! We stan a wrinkly, shit-eating, incestuous queen!