Every problem you have can be solved by loitering at the mall


babe  • 

Every problem you have can be solved by loitering at the mall

Actually, let’s bring back loitering in general!

There's a popular tweet that's become a meme, and it says something to the effect of: "adulthood is just saying 'yesss, let's get together soon!' over and over until you both die" and it's extremely true. And it's extremely true because we're all busy with jobs and bills and responsibilities and errands, and getting together as an adult meaning picking an activity and doing it. Seriously, think about it. We catch up over drinks or go to dinner or whatever, and we cancel on each other in perpetuity because an activity feels like a fucking obligation when we'd rather be doing nothing.

But what if we could do nothing…together? (I don't mean the kind of nothing in which your very best friends drape over each other on the couch like a litter of puppies and watch America's Next Top Model reruns all day because it only counts if you leave the house.) The key to this is loitering. If you're grown, you remember loitering. If you're under the age of 20, you think you don't loiter but literally everything you do is loitering. Going to Starbucks and order a single Frappuccino and then sitting there for five hours giggling with your friends? Loitering. Wandering around the mall for a bit and then convening at the indoor water feature to kind of sort of flirt with some boys there? Loitering. Doing that thing where you say "Let's go on an adventure!", go to Sonic for big drinks and then sit in the parking lot talking anything and everything until curfew? Ugh, the best kind of loitering. These hangouts are deliciously low-pressure. You don't have to organize or structure the day, you don't have to do anything, you don't even have to spend money! Fine, maybe you buy a Cinnabon but you can't afford not to buy a Cinnabon.

Loitering is how inside jokes are forged! Not with a sushi date (sooooosh), trapped in structured denim and lipstick, but over you saying "Dr. Pepper" in a weird voice until you both laugh so hard you cry. And, of course, inside jokes are the foundation of every strong friendship. Well, that and friends who knew you before you learned how to match your foundation — that bond is the same kind soldiers in a platoon form. Loitering is also where you work out every problem you've ever had. Something about a dark parking lot, a breeze, and your friends makes you confront some serious truths you've been running away from. It's basically the best version of a sleepover deep talk, but you get the added bonus of a 7/11 ICEE and not having to whisper.

Instead of G Chatting "OMG I can't make it :( Next time?" to your friends when you don't have the strength to go to a "couples dinner", why don't you just suggest some good old fashioned loitering? Your friend will be fucking psych if you ask them walk up and down the aisles of a Wal-Mart, picking up and commenting on every item you pass. Maybe upload pictures of you guys sitting on the little kids' bikes, much to employees' annoyance. Maybe you upload them to MySpace, I dunno.