Maybe not everyone is supposed to a pop star?
You don’t have to do EVERYTHING!
The YouTube bubble is slowly bursting. No longer can Internet personalities sit around and rake in six figures for screeching into a webcam while using a condom to apply 100 layers of foundation on their face. Desperate to cash in while they still have some semblance of fame, YouTubers have decided the next big business move is…become a popstar.
This is all well and good, I can appreciate the struggle to stay on top. Man can't survive on ColourPop PR freebies alone, I get it. But this new trend have one major flaw: Most of them cannot actually sing. And you know, not everyone was meant to be pop star sensation! Sure, some people grow up to become singing legends with four octave vocal ranges. But the vast majority of us were simply destined to belt out an off-key rendition of "God Is a Woman" in the shower and get embarrassed when we realize our roommates were home the whole time.
Below is a far from comprehensive list of notable YouTubers who are really trying it. Emphasis on trying.
At 15:10 in this video, James Charles opens his mouth and proceeds to brutally murder one of Ariana Grande's most beautiful songs. The worst part is that he thinks he killed it. Just look at his facial expressions! He's practically nutting himself from the sound of his own voice — which I'm sure sounds heavenly and Ariana Grande-like in his own head. Unfortunately, the rest of us are only hearing the croaks of a tone-deaf bullfrog.
Aside from being a racist and wildly immature overgrown toddler with a Donald Trump-style toupee on his head, Logan Paul is also an utterly horrific singer. "'Do these jeans make me look fat?'" he grunts through five layers of AutoTune in an overtly misogynistic song about how girls are dumb and stuff. "Yeah I know you want the answer, but I'm smart and that's a trap." Wow, Logan, did you think of that all by yourself? Aww isn't that precious. He's finally capable of assembling complex sentences!
Tana isn't just a con artist who successfully scammed thousands of 12-year-olds out of their parents' hard-earned money. No, she contains MULTITUDES! She is also one of the many privileged rich white girls from the suburbs who like to act rebellious by rapping in a blaccent and twerking their nonexistent asses. "These hoes are so basic, I'm buying at Urban," Tana raps. "When they shop at Urban, they think that they splurging." Ooh you TELL em, Tana!
In a very sad attempt to mimic the legendary Britney Spears, Trisha Paytas dressed herself in a black bodysuit and thigh high boots and whipped her extension-heavy locks around while sexily crawling around on the ground and nasally singing/speaking, "I'm chained and whipped to do your bidding." There was so much blonde hair flying around in this video that I honestly had no idea what was going on half the time.
And of course, no list of wannabe singers is complete without Jeffree Star, the OG mediocre vocalist. Like the other members of this list, Jeffree's voice has been distorted and edited beyond recognition. It's shocking — when you add a ton of effects on your voice and throw in a bunch of synths and drum lines on top, almost ANYONE can sound halfway-decent!
But unlike the others on this list who are (unsuccessfully) trying to pivot their careers from YouTuber to pop artist, Jeffree Star went the other direction. This makes me like him a little bit more than the rest. At least he KNEW he sucked at singing!
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