Here’s how to make sure your crush doesn’t see those drunk Instagram DMs you sent last night
This just solved 99 percent of my problems
by Amanda Ross
Most of the time when I "drunk text" someone, I'm sitting on my couch sober as hell and probably eating a Lunchable. It's a great excuse to finally say what I want, and it provides the added bonus of making me seem like I'm busy/cool/out on the town when I'm actually…eating a Lunchable.
But real drunk texts? If I were to carefully analyze what percentage of real drunk texts I regret, I think it's somewhere in the ballpark of 100. I've said the dumbest shit of my life after a few gin and tonics, and I've said it to everyone: exes, crushes, coworkers, my parents, my middle school math teacher, a few Uber drivers, the Amazon Prime customer service hotline, pharmacists, and one very scared PetCo employee. The most egregious blackout messages, though, are the ones we sent to people via Instagram DM. Think about it: they're people you know well enough to be following each other but there's a reason you don't have their number.
There must be a really empathetic group of women on the development team at Instagram because the app just unveiled a new way to nip that entire drunken mess in the bud. I won't bore you with the details (because there are no details) but all you do is hold down the message in question. A little bubble will appear with an unsend option:
And just like that, it's unsent. Your tracks are covered, and the person you like never needs to know that you're wasted an horny. Unless that's what you want, I guess. Please be advised that this will not protect you from: messages that have already been seen, pregnancy, or STDs.
High-profile cryptocurrency founder writes blog posts about sex with preteen girls, and says condemning pedophilia is ‘nonsense’
Now he claims the posts are fiction
by Nian Hu
Gavin Wood, the cofounder of the cryptocurrency project Ethereum, revealed in a blog post in 2013 that he is a pedophile who had sex with a 10-year-old girl dying of AIDS. The blog post has since been deleted, but its contents were reposted on Reddit. Wood also wrote other blog posts in which he defended…
The secret to perfect skin that never ages: Minding your own damn business
Consider this your reward for not being racist!
by Nian Hu
You've probably heard this before: black don't crack, Asian don't raisin, brown don't frown. And it's true! Just look at Pharrell. That man has literally looked like a college freshman for the past 10 years. Thanks to the power of melanin, people of color tend to age remarkably well.White people, however, aren't usually so lucky…
Blake, there’s people that are dying
The actress tries out for the Oppression Olympics
by Amanda Ross
SPOTTED: Our favorite Upper East Sider bizarrely grasping at some perceived slight, all in the name of feminism. Blake Lively is currently on a press tour promoting her new movie, A Simple Favor. Have you seen it yet? Yeah, me neither. Blake, known for her love of fashion, has worn many suits during the tour,…