MAMMA MIA! This mom claims to have the skrongest vagina in the nation!


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MAMMA MIA! This mom claims to have the skrongest vagina in the nation!

Good for her! I guess!

On a UK morning show, a 49-year-old mother of three put her pussy-popping skills to the test by lifting a can of baked beans with it. I, like you, have several questions. Most importantly, why?

But why does any woman do anything? Why did Amelia Earhart dare to fly that plane made of plywoods, duct tape, and hope? Why did the Suffragettes march through the streets in those frilly monstrosities that passed for dresses back then? Why did Hillary Clinton bravely visit most states in her presidential campaign, even the lame ones? Because they were white and bored! And our hero of today, Kirstie Wright, is no different.

Kristie told the morning show hosts she got into strengthening her snatch after the birth of her third child. She tried squeezing her pelvic muscles around jade eggs (please don't do this, y'all), and eventually graduated to…swinging baked beans around with her twat, I guess. Call me a prude, but I feel like there's a conversation we can have about pelvic strength that doesn't involve dangling canned goods betwixt your pussy lips on national television. But maybe I'm just old-fashioned, or deluded by my own areas which have yet to birth a child.

I asked my mom, the barer of two whole children (one of which is me, hi!) what she thought about all this. Expecting some sharp insight from her years of advanced schooling and perspective only 48 years on earth can bring, I was surprised when the first question she asked me was, "What kind of beans?"

And there you have it, girls. There is life after 40.

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