Your weekly horoscopes are here, and they come with a major warning


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Your weekly horoscopes are here, and they come with a major warning

Things are about to get messy

CAUTION: Look out for September 18 as a day full of erratic energy and a desire to rebel thanks to Mars squaring Uranus for the third time this year. If you don’t find a healthy place to release this energy, it’ll most likely turn into stressful conflict that can even physically manifest itself in the form of causes acne or psoriasis breakouts. Yeeeah, no thanks! Turn this energy into creativity, invention, or inspiration towards something productive. I’m giving you fair warning now so you can prepare yourself and keep it cool. Here are your weekly horoscopes, plus your customized anthem.


You may be feeling the tension of the Mars-Uranus square in an area of a collaboration or a team project. Keep an eye out for confusion and last-minute plan changes — remain flexible and carefree to avoid getting trapped in the negative energy. By the end of the weekend, the dust should be settled. You'll be refocused just in time for the Sun to enter Libra, which just so happens to be your house of partnership ;)

Real Love by Christian Rich / Angela McCluskey


A lesson for you this week: set boundaries as opposed to making rash decisions and immediately cutting off people who aggravate you. Recognize your own feelings, figure out what you need to protect those feelings, and communicate appropriately with those who need to hear it! The Taurean trait of stubbornness typically has a negative rep, but you can use it as a strength by standing ground on your boundaries and taking care of yourself.

Uncantena by Sylvan Esso


It’s common knowledge that a Gemini can dig up dirt like a hoe (the garden tool! And I guess maybe the other kind, too) and around the 18th, you’ll strike gold. But this buried treasure might not seem as rewarding as you hope. This discovered secret does turn out to be a gift to you Gem, although you may not see it that way at first. Remember, acknowledging the truth is the first step towards growth and healing. Dust off your Doc Martens and let’s get all of this shit out of the way already so you can enjoy your Libra season. You can channel your inner Rihanna and shine bright like a diamond.

I Don’t Care by Prince Innocence


How’s it going after last week? Did you end up cutting any ties? If not, get that done before the 22nd! Then the Sun will crossover into Libra, your domestic house, and you’ll be nesting up and getting cozy. Use that time to relax, redecorate, and catch up with those you haven’t seen in a while with a little get-together at your place.

Lazy Lover by Lonely Benson


By the end of this week, you’ll be coasting on a wave of your own creation, little lion babe. You have your eyes set on something delicious and with the Sun moving into Libra and your communicative house, your social interactions are connecting dots and creating the network you need to get what you’re after. This is thanks to Mercury entering Libra, with the Sun illuminating that same house the very next day. Surf’s up, braaa?

Surfin by Kid Cudi / Pharrell Williams


You may be on edge this week, Virgo. There’s a nervous energy fluttering around inside of you, probably because the Universe is gearing up to give you a big ol' reality check. Let this be an opportunity to shift your sometimes-too-controlling perspective a bit! Sometimes you’ve just gotta say “fuck it” and let life happen. Take the bra off, throw your hands in the air, let me hear you say it. F U C K I T!

Reality In Motion by Tame Impala


Forget about the drama happening around the 18th, getting involved with that isn’t your style anyway. You’re too busy preparing for your yearly life make-over, otherwise known as the start of Libra Season. Plan your transformation, whether you’re committing to go full-AHS Coven Supreme Witch or if it’ll just be a septum piercing. Do it on the 22nd to celebrate the Autumnal Equinox!

Dreams by Fleetwood Mac


It’s time to tap into your spirituality, Scorpio. The stars are giving you the gift of relaxation (praise the lord!!!) for a few weeks before Scorpio season arises. This leaves you plenty of time to meditate, go on a little retreat, learn to read tarot cards, or finally cast that hex on your shitty ex. Be gentle though, you don’t want that ish to come back tenfold.

Hurricane by MS MR


Prepare to be extinguishing some fires by the end of the upcoming week. Issues from the beginning of August have sparked again and it’s time to put them out for good. Don’t let that ice cold heart of yours take over, follow the energy of Mercury and the Sun entering Libra and get together with new people. Your friends will still be there, but everyone needs a little time to cool off.

Disparate Youth by Santigold


You’re an old soul, Capricorn. It’s not new for you to have drama from a past life arise again, and it should be no surprise that you can manage when it does happen. Handle it quickly, but keep it cool. You’re most likely going to want to just react, but think things over before you go through with anything. You don’t want to be known for blowing things up any more than they already have.

Superego by Disclosure / Nao


Everything shifting into your travel house has you itching to get away and start a digital nomad lifestyle. Before you start picking the Instagram name for your new travel account, you’ve gotta plan some trips and activities. FALL IS COMING. Go thrifting for sweaters. Map out those photogenic pumpkin patches and apple orchards. Get ready to double fist pumpkin spice drinks and prance through a corn maze. Send me a cut when you start getting sponsored for your “adventure” photos.

Could by Elderbrook


Don’t waste your time with the goings-on this week, it’s some bullshiiiiiiiiiiiit. If you absolutely can’t help yourself, (I know, I know, it’s hard for you) speak your peace and move on. You’ve got the Autumnal Equinox to look forward to! Your house of sex is going to be set ablaze, meaning things are gonna get hot, hot, hot. Doesn’t matter if it’s a person or your Hitatchi Magic Wand! Schedule in some one-on-one time and get it, babe.

Hot Hands by Darius