Bet you can’t tell the difference between Curvy Wife Guy’s book and the Unabomber manifesto
Which awful book did we read?
The 21st Century's number one trickster is Robbie Tripp, aka The Curvy Wife Guy, sometimes called The Thicc Wife Guy. He's the horny weirdo who went viral with a deeply weird Instagram post about his wife: "Her shape and size won't be the one featured on the cover of Cosmopolitan but it's the one featured in my life and in my heart."
He took advantage of his newfound fame, and started earning a six figure salary through sponsored content deals with airlines, banks and hair-loss serums. Curvy Wife Guy, whose n-word posts we found last week, is the subject of enduring fascination at babe dot net not just because he hates our guts, but also because of his relentless pursuit of success.
Instagram is just one part of the Curvy Wife Guy's empire. He calls himself a "wordsmith, public speaker, and creative activist" and wrote a book called Create Rebellion, which he calls "an abstract manifesto for disruptive creativity." As Curvy Wife Guy's influence grows – he was recently praised by NowThis for spreading "positive messages about self-love and confidence" – I wanted to go through his book in detail and learn more about the mind behind the thiccness.
Create Rebellion is a three parter – a beginning about his creative process (he wakes up early and types on a laptop, that seems to be it), a middle with a few chapters of bonkers advice, and then an end with 15 blank pages (the whole book clocks in at 108 pages).
The first thing you need to know about the Curvy Wife Guy is that his book literally reads like the Unabomber Manifesto. I'm not even kidding! It's a totally incomprehensible rant, an impenetrable and frightening pamphlet that rails against his enemies and praises his own superior talent.
See if you can distinguish between these two extracts – one is from the famous Instagram influencer who loves his thicc wife, and another is from Ted Kaczynski, the bloodthirsty 90s terrorist who murdered a load of people:
"Be careful and act swiftly as you operate among their spiteful hostility; their infection can quickly turn you into a diseased member of their epidemic of complacency and whoredom. These nasty symptoms of free-flowing hatred and negativity are ones that can so easily taint your own mind. Revolt against this faction's pathetic pornography and shatter their closed doors into splinters, exposing their pastime of staying on porches of criticism and enjoying lounge chairs of scorn. Their path is much easier than the one you have chosen to pursue, but do not be tempted by its hollow pleasure. Common minds critique, while great minds create."
"It is true that primitive man is powerless against some of the things that threaten him; disease for example. But he can accept the risk of disease stoically. It is part of the nature of things, it is no one’s fault, unless it is the fault of some imaginary, impersonal demon. But threats to the modern individual tend to be MAN-MADE. They are not the results of chance but are IMPOSED on him by other persons whose decisions he, as an individual, is unable to influence. Consequently he feels frustrated, humiliated and angry."
Extract 1 was Curvy Wife Guy, Extract 2 was the Unabomber! Did you guess right? Disturbingly, a lot of Create Rebellion reads like this – an angry, right-click-synonym-heavy screed against Curvy Wife Guy's haters. His imagery is pretty clear: he sees himself as a Christ-tier genius whose veins are pumping with pure creativity, everyone else is a disease-ridden leper reeking of "complacency and whoredom" (sounds pretty metal, tbh). The haters are all into their lounge chairs and pornography, whereas he's a cool creator with honest intentions. Maybe this all makes more sense when remembering that Curvy Wife Guy is a Mormon.
There's a short moment of extreme hypocrisy in Create Rebellion. At the start of the second chapter, Curvy Wife Guy says: "Blitzkrieg the cowardly corporations with your open awareness of their misdeeds. You must make them understand that you are no longer a marionette that is subject to the inconsiderate movements of their wretched wrists." It's not an exaggeration to call this crazy as fuck — like, write-a-hit-list-on-a-high-school-bathroom-wall crazy.
If only he followed his own advice. Today he'll do anything to get in with the cowardly corporations, especially ones famous for misdeeds. He's done sponsored Instagram posts for McDonalds, Chase Bank, Alaska Air, eBay and L'Occitane, to name just a few. Look at this post and tell me he's not a marionette subjected to the inconsiderate movements of McDonalds:
This, coming from the guy who called himself an intellectual "crusader". He actually thinks he has divine right – the Curvy Wife Guy was chosen by a higher power grace us with his sponsored content:
"While many now suffer in darkness, there is hope for the select few whose synapses remain open to our intellectual vaccination…The all-knowing Cartographer did not have average things in mind for you when he handcrafted your diaphragm and then breathed into you the beginning of your journey."
Of course nobody wants to think they're a complete loser, but it takes a certain type of idiot to believe that they alone are a genius, especially when their oeuvre amounts to 1) Instagram posts about thinking your wife is hot 2) telling your followers to buy "tasty 100% fresh beef Quarter Pounders from participating McDonald's restaurants."
It's worth mentioning that this book is self-published. So when Curvy Wife Guy said: "I'm living my dream, man. I'm a published author and writer," he isn't exactly telling you the truth. He paid a self-publishing company to print Create Rebellion, which again, isn't a million miles away from an unhinged terrorist just uploading his 'Why Murder Is Good' PDF onto the internet. Create Rebellion is a waste of your money – it won't help you be more creative, unless 'terrifying howls about people the Curvy Wife Guy hates' is your jam. At least Dabiq, the magazine put out by ISIS, had better formatting.
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