Wanna know every graphic, upsetting detail about Donald Trump’s penis? Too bad, here it is!
If I have to suffer, so do you!
I didn't believe trigger warnings belonged in journalism (in the copy, anyway) until I came across this story. Therefore, I am morally compelled to caution that what you are about to read might be upsetting for some readers, and it's not suitable for children under 13! If you're a child under 13 and reading this, first message me so I can make some calls to CPS. Then go to Neopets.com, just trust me. Anyway, here we go — the moment you've all been waiting for:
Trump has yeti pubes. At least according his former sex partner Stormi Daniels! In her upcoming book, Full Disclosure, the porn-star-turned-political-sideshow-and-kind-of-a-skinty-icon discusses her upbringing in Baton Rogue (no shade but I just knew she was from Louisiana), her career, and the sitting president's schlong.
Let's see, what else does she dish about Donald Trump's meat? It sounds bad, but not quite the cheese-scented gherkin I was expecting. Perhaps most upsettingly, Daniels informs us that his penis is shaped like Toad from Mario Kart. Of course, it's described as "smaller than average" and the sex itself was unimpressive.
Imagine THIS going inside you:
Actually, I think Toad and his Aladdin vest would treat you right.
Aziz Ansari talks about the sexual misconduct allegations against him for the first time
‘I hope I’ve become a better person’
In a gig on Monday night, Aziz Ansari talked for the first time about the allegations of sexual misconduct made against him last year. During a massively oversubscribed gig at Village Underground in New York, Ansari said he hopes he has "become a better person." Vulture first reported the comments. The site said Ansari led…
Instagram now tells people when you screenshot, so just throw away your whole damn phone
Who thought this was a good idea!?
by Caroline Phinney
Lately, Instagram has sucked for a lot of reasons: posts are no longer in chronological order, influencers are reportedly being screwed out of money, and now, on top of everything else, Instagram alerts someone when you take a screenshot. Is nothing sacred?! Long gone are the days of snapping pics of your ‘friends’ and then…
People are slamming Bumble for an ‘abusive’ ad campaign involving painting endangered elephants
“No one should even consider climbing on an elephant’s back”
by Nian Hu
Bumble recently launched in India and celebrated with a launch party at City Palace in Jaipur. Instagram posts and stories reveal that the CEO Whiteny Wolfe Herd and various celebrities were in attendance. Several photos of the event show elephants being ridden with the Bumble logo painted on their faces. According to PETA Executive Vice…