Horny Facts: The best Twitter account if you’re neither horny nor seeking facts

Are you horny? Do you love facts? Then you've come to the wrong place! Despite a name that promises both, the uber-popular Twitter account followed by more than 4 million users isn't churning out the kind of sexually-stimulating knowledge the name would suggest. Once upon a time, at the dawn of the second Obama Administration, Horny Facts tweeted some facts of questionable validity. But they were trying to put facts out there, at least. Like this gem:

Horny Facts unfortunately does not cite their sources or studies from which the tweets are drawn, so it's impossible to know if I should trade my Lexapro prescription in for some tig ol' bitties…but I digress. It all went down hill from there. The account turned away from "facts" and then started tweeting things vaguely related to sex like "That early morning sex good as hell" or "Sex when you're in love is fire emoji tongue emoji water droplets emoji" (I was too lazy to copy/paste the actual emojis, sorz.) Now, in what experts could call the third wave or era of Horny Facts, the situation has deteriorated. And I'm getting kind of worried about our beloved Horny Facts proprietor! A lot of it is kind of sad and Tumblr-y, the kind of things you reblog/tweet when you're going through a breakup:

Things occasionally take a turn for the genuinely bleak:

The only thing keeping me from calling in a welfare check on Horny Facts is that the Sad Facts are interspersed with these Horny Opinions:

Are followers of this account getting the "fascinating, amusing and mind-altering sex facts" promised in its bio? No! But really, isn't depression just the horniest fact of all?