Checkmate, Christians: Proof that God does not exist
Jonathan Cheban destroyed my faith
Remember when you were a teen and went through your angry atheist phase, and you read about that triangle that was like: God can't be all-loving, all-knowing, and all-powerful? And that was proof He didn't exist?
They got it wrong: it should have been a square, and the fourth point proving God isn't real was this fucking promo gif of Jonathan Cheban:
It's not Cheban's horrid puckered moue that's so bad. It's not his obvious discomfort, it's not his white guy dancing, or his white guy hands. It's the look he gives about halfway through this faith-destroying gif, a small glance to the right of the screen – maybe it's to his manager (why did you book me for this), maybe it's to the director of MTV's Wild 'n Out that he guest-starred on last week (please let me go home), or maybe it's a hallucination of his childhood self weeping at the sight of Cheban, 44, and the lengths he goes to in order to squeeze every last TV spot from his professional career as a Kardashian family bootlicker.
If there ever was a God, He died the moment Cheban did this finger-gun dance.