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People are really out here yelling ‘FUCK YOU’ at jars of rice to prove a point
Vegans can’t eat rice because it has feelings
by Nian Hu
The state of science education in this country has never been exemplary, but I regret to inform you that we've taken it to new heights. No longer reserved for Mary Kay saleswomen hoping to finally turn a profit and yung thots grinding for a reality TV show, the "law of attraction" and "manifesting success" have officially defeated science, reason, and logic. And Twitter, too! Rhonda Byrne: 1, Isaac Newton: 0!
In fact, there is an entire community of people online who sincerely believe that saying "I love you" to a jar of rice will make it stay pristine and white, while saying "I hate you" to a jar of rice will make it become moldy and brown.
Self-appointed scientists all over the country have conducted this rigorous experiment in a highly controlled environment (their own homes) with sterilized and medical-grade equipment (glass mason jars that they drank wine out of last night). And time and time again, the results are astonishingly clear: if you tell one jar of rice that it's beautiful and beloved, it WILL be beautiful. And if you tell one jar of rice that it's disgusting and gross, it WILL be disgusting and gross.
The implications of this rigorous scientific study are groundbreaking. Why hasn't this been published in Nature yet?
Someone's really gotta share this important knowledge with all the people out there who are starving to death. Don't they know that all they need to do is think positive things about food?
And what's more, this experiment also works with people. If anyone in your life died, it happened because you didn't tell them you love them enough.
Disbelievers, however, will say that this experiment is extremely flawed from a scientific perspective and that boiled rice will inevitably grow mold after a month, especially if there was contamination from the jars themselves.
But those people aren't scientists — they're haters. They're negative, terrible people who are willfully ignoring the miraculous findings from MORE THAN 7 MILLION PEOPLE. Clearly they're just jealous that they can't harness the power of the Universe to make positive changes in their life.
Hear that, Einstein? You're a jealous hater and you need to get a life!