YouTubers are now pretending to have terminal illnesses for views and subscribers
They are lying to you
2018 has a few months to go, but we can announce today that the worst cunts of the year are the YouTubers who pretended to be dying for clout. Thomas and Jonathan Smith, the brothers behind XtremeGamez, a channel with over four million subscribers, said they had terminal illnesses and only weeks to live.
They uploaded a viral video called Were Quiting Youtube Because Were Dying (NOT CLICKBAIT), in which they tearfully revealed they were both desperately ill and on the verge of death. Their video has been viewed over 1.5 million times, and earned heartfelt sympathy from their enormous fanbase.
But they're Not Dying – they're lying shitheads exploiting you for views. The tiniest bit of scrutiny on their video shows that Thomas, 20, and Jonathan, 21, are not about to die – they're making money from going viral.
Enter Thomas, on the left, who says: "This isn't clickbait, this is not a joke either. It's so sad, it really is… Our bodies literally can't do it anymore." (Prediction: this video will be deleted by the end of the week.)
Jonathan, on the right, wants you to believe he has a lethal kidney disease. "I can't literally fight it anymore," he says. "I'm holding 16 kilos of fluid in my body – and when I say fluid, it's literally cause my kidneys can't filter my fluid out anymore. You know how painful it is to be locked inside your own body, with all this fluid that you can't physically move, you can't eat, you're not hungry? My body is literally at the end."
Meanwhile Thomas, through the tears, says with a straight face that he's dying of…vertigo? "You guys have been commenting, he's got acne. But that's actually one of the side effects of my problems. Every single day when I wake up, it's just absolute vertigo. If you don't know what vertigo is, it's dizziness. You know when you're on a rollercoaster and you get off and everything's spinning? Imagine that happening to you every single day, for the entire duration of the day."
You cannot die from vertigo any more than you can die from acne. It's kind of nuts that fans watched this and believed they were actually dying, but here we are.
Here's the really weird bit: they're holding a giveaway in honor of their impending deaths, because they want to give back to their fans. "We're going to give away two iPhone Xs," says Jonathan. "That's how much we love you. All you gotta do is like this video, turn on notifications for our channel, and subscribe. Then you're entered in the giveaway."
Hey guys! Soooo, welcome to my deathbed, don't forget to like, comment, subscribe and turn on notifications to be entered into a giveaway for a few cellphone!
They add: "If we don't get better, this will be the last video we ever make…" and because they're not dying, they make another video. It's called He Sings For His Dying Brother… Don't Cry :(
In this hour-long monstrosity, the brothers visit a chiropractor (yeah, a spinal adjustment guy) in Los Angeles, a bearded toad in a doctor's outfit called Dr John Bergman.
Dr. John Bergman is one of those medical professionals known as a "fucking idiot" (that's a science term), mostly for his YouTube videos saying he can "naturally cure cancer" by not going to the hospital. He's also an anti-vaccine sleaze, which means he is beneath contempt.
The boys meet him in his office – they tell fans that if they subscribe to Dr. Bergman's fraudulent YouTube channel, they will "double your chances" of winning the iPhone giveaway. Seriously.
The clincher comes when even Dr. Bergman, the medical equivalent of a wet Taco Bell fart, tells them: "Neither one of you actually has a disease."
But don't let that get in the way of Jonathan and Thomas' tears. "We don't know this is the end of the line," they said. "We pray this is not the end of the line. With the power of you guys, with the power of you guys, with the power of Jesus, Jesus Christ, and God, we'll be able to do this."
Want to expose a shitty internet weirdo? Message firstname.lastname@example.org.