So how long before you can buy Versace at TJ Maxx?

The worst plague to ever infect these United States isn't anything you can vaccinate against. There is no cure, and the mortality rate is 100 percent. I'm talking about the infestation of $50 Michael Kors bags that's been sweeping America's malls since like, 2010! It's even worse than the Great Coach Epidemic of 2007 — at least they had the good sense to hire Karlie Kloss as the brand's face and hike up prices. Now, things are looking even worse because Michael Kors just bought Versace for $2 billion. And the girls and gays of America are furious.

Coke Lagerfeld is right (although like…Lagerfeld? Really? We're over him and that ratty cat), this spells the end for the iconic fashion brand/Migos-and-Gaga muse as we know it. I mean, Gaga did not sing "Donatella! I'm the rich bitch, I'm the upper class!" just to have a sunburned snitch from Long Island who hasn't been relevant since he left Celine (notice I did not use the accent mark, I keep up with the news!) run it into the ground.

And look, I'm sorry about the sunburned snitch comment. I think Michael Kors is a fabulous designer and an incredibly savvy business man. I just also think her purposefully ruined his own brand by diluting it to make a fuck ton of money. No one can fault him for that! I love money! But I'll be damned if on my next visit to TJ Maxx (I love the hand soaps selection, you know?) I'm pawing through discarded Medusa-headed lewks. In the immortal words of fashion's greatest prophet:

But really, what do I know? My Tumblr is filled with couture but in the interest of full disclosure, I'm writing this while wearing a men's flannel shirt from Old Navy. Do with that information what you will.

@TheTab