Avril Lavigne’s new single is like taking a Xanax and a time machine back to childhood

Things have been a bit of a mess lately. Between the shitshow going on with the once-respected Supreme Court and the ongoing crisis at the border, there is no shortage of horrible things happening in the world.

I am pleased to inform you, however, that these days of misery and suffering will soon be long behind us. My friends, we are embarking on a journey to return in time. And according to the most recent calculations, we are set to arrive somewhere between 2002 and 2011.

If you doubt my hypothesis, then take a look at this compelling evidence:

Avril Lavigne, the punk pop princess of yore who enraptured an entire generation with absolute bangers such as "Sk8er Boi" and "Girlfriend," is officially BACK. Her bleach blonde locks, her raccoon eye makeup, her slightly husky voice — everything is exactly as I remembered it back when she crooned, "So much for my happy ending" and made 13-year-olds all over the world weep from the sorrow of heartbreak and unrequited love. Nothing has changed — and yet at the same time, everything has changed.

So what exactly does Avril's return to pop stardom mean for the rest of us? Well, for starters, it means that we can finally return to the blissful, problem-free days of the mid-2000s.

Hear me out! The last time Avril Lavigne released a hit song (sorry, I don't count "Hello Kitty" as part of her official discography! As a matter of fact, let's just forget that that ever happened, okay?) it was 2009. And what a glorious year that was, in hindsight. We had Barack Obama for president, we talked to each other on AIM using screen names like "horsegurl9292," and we rolled around town on Heelies.

So if Avril can stage this epic comeback in the year 2018, then so can everything else from that golden era. Time to get out your iPods and resurrect your MySpace profiles, kids! We're outta here.

@nian_hu