Venus, planet of love, is in retrograde and that means we’re all getting dumped

Not to stress you out, but the "planet of love" is about to go retrograde, rendering you partnerless for the impending winter.

Venus goes retrograde tomorrow, Friday October 5th, and anyone who says this retrograde is about "unconditional self-love" is a spineless, weak-willed coward.

Every month from now until the end of the year is going to suck every last bit of energy out of you and your desire to date or love ever again. If you thought September was unpleasant, stop reading now.

This retrograde is about breakups, exes and self-sabotage, and anyone who chooses to disregard my warning and fall in love anyway, will be regretting it or hating them by December. Venus hasn't even gone retrograde yet, and you can already feel the love lives of everyone around you crumbling.

Your friends will be fighting with their partners, your single friends will be hitting up their exes, and unions you thought would last forever will begin to show cracks in the facade.

Luckily for some of us, this retrograde will be far worse on certain signs than others. If you're an Aries, Taurus, Leo, Virgo, Scorpio, Capricorn or Aquarius, you are fucked beyond repair. But if you're a Gemini, Cancer, Libra, Sag or Pisces, you might escape unscathed. Just beware of exes.

The silver lining? There is some slight truth to what Twitter astrologists are saying: the reason this transit wants us to destroy every last relationship with every person we love is because it wants us to develop unwavering self-love (whatever that means).

The real silver lining? Venus in retrograde can’t affect your love life if you don't have one.

Hope you have a space heater because you're in for a long, cold winter.

@carolinephinney