Forget the bald eagle! This angry bird is the official symbol of America in 2018
Every woman in this country can identify with this angry bird
Can we all agree that 2018 has been a really rough year for women? Between Kavanaugh's impending confirmation to the Supreme Court, countless stories of powerful men taking advantage of women, and ongoing sexist quips from our president, it is literally impossible to exist as a woman in the United States without constantly experiencing a mixture of rage, grief, and anxiety.
What we need now, more than ever, is a symbol. A beacon of hope. A unifying icon that we can all rally under. Here, I present our new mascot:
This bird, scientific name Angrius Womanus, is a force to be reckoned with. Powered by 90 percent rage and 10 percent birdseed, it launches itself through the air with righteous fury as it hunts down its prey, whether it's a particularly tasty mealworm or a particularly misogynistic United States Senator. Its strength is mighty, its aim is precise, and it never, ever misses.
Just look at that steely, determined glint in its shiny eyes! Observe the way it has tucked its legs into its feathery body to increase aerodynamic efficiency, the way it has pinned its wings against its lithe frame to improve velocity! The bird means business, and you better hope you're not in its way.
Every single woman in the country can identify with this bird. Who among us hasn't felt a rage so blinding and all-consuming that we felt ourselves literally shoot across the sky and barrel headlong at the closest rape apologist, men's rights advocate, or Ben Shapiro supporter? Watch out, bald eagle — there's a new bird on the block!
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