CONSPIRACY THEORY: Donald Trump is more scared of Taylor Swift fans than he is of nuclear war

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CONSPIRACY THEORY: Donald Trump is more scared of Taylor Swift fans than he is of nuclear war

He will die by their hands

It’s been two days since Taylor Swift took a swing at the GOP on Instagram, and Donald Trump hasn’t managed to cook up a single batshit tweet about her. The only thing on the TL is Swifties fighting MAGA bots.

Why? Because even he’s smart enough to know if he so much as mentions Taylor, the Swifties will destroy him. The girls and the gays will literally storm DC and seize the White House in a brutal coup, leaving hundreds dead.

In a way it’s sad, because Trump used to be one of them. Don’t believe me? Then how do you explain this video of Trump listening to Blank Space in the car in a video posted on Melania’s Facebook in December of 2014?

But as the saying goes, the only thing more powerful than love is fear, and there is nothing Donald Trump fears like a mobilized fanbase. These people were raised in the comments section! They do not give one single fuck!

Yesterday, when Trump returned to the White House after his trip to Florida, he referenced the pop-star’s Instagram for the first time.

When asked about her recent decision to wade into politics, all Trump said was he likes Taylor Swift’s music about “25 percent” less now that she trashed Marsha Blackburn, the far-right congresswoman from Tennessee. Which means 75 percent of him still stans! (Surprisingly reasonable for someone who once called Rihanna “disrespectful.”)

Of all the celebrities he’s denounced in recent years — Beyonce, Jay Z, Meryl Streep — he’s remained virtually silent about Swift, but it makes sense.

Taylor Swift’s net worth is $380 million so they can’t buy her, she’s white so she’s basically one of them, and she’s most popular in rural areas in the West and Midwest. And if all of this isn’t enough to keep him silent, his knowledge of simple math might be. If one person (Donald J. Trump) has 10.2 million Instagram followers, and another person (Taylor Alison Swift) has 112 million, according to democracy, Taylor Swift is now our President.

Swifties have come so far and endured so much — the slut shaming, the Kanye phone call, Red not winning AOTY — but, none of this is going to matter if she mobilizes her cult.

The only thing that will matter is that the President fighting stan Twitter will now be written into US history books.

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@carolinephinney

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