Girls are posting their cuffing season resumes on Twitter, and they are STACKED
‘Massive tits you can play with’
Growing up everyone always tells you the most stressful thing you'll do is build a career — you have to stack a resume and bust your ass through entry level jobs to get that one big break. But you know what guidance counselors should actually be prepping us for? The less-than-two-months we're allotted between Labor Day and Halloween to get cuffed.
So, if you have the career but haven't been laid in three months, here's all the cuffing season resume inspiration you'll ever need. I even thought about posting my own, but I ain’t shit, so keep scrolling ⬇️.
'No ass or titties, but I have a big heart'
'Will do any/all Halloween activities'
'Probably cries more than you'
'Still think farts/fart noises are hilarious'
'Will do spooky shit with you'
'Will make you breakfast in bed'
'Always asleep so how could I ever cheat?'
'Notoriously low self-esteem'
'Massive tits u can play w/ anytime'
'Nails for back scratching'
'Big ol booty'
'No need to worry about me stealing your clothes'
'Will literally tear ur hand off to hold it'
'Masochist and I know u weirdos are into that ;-)'
'Might make you ramen at four am'
'Will be famous soon'
'Hands are small enough to fit in Pringles cans'
'Eats nothing but bean and cheese burritos'
'Previous mean streak with musicians'
'Hands are too small to play the guitar'
'Can hold my liquor/no need to hold my hair'
'Might try to fuck ur mom or dad'
Because if we all just help one another secure the bag, we won't need a career anyway.
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