So you hate your best friend’s boyfriend, huh?

When your best friend calls you and gushes about her amazing new boyfriend, you feel happy for her at first. You can't WAIT to meet the special guy who managed to win your friend's heart! Until you actually meet him and you realize that he…actually kinda sucks?

You want to shake your friend to her senses. Wake up, girl!! You're so much better than this! But of course you can't do that because, for whatever reason, she's head over heels in love with a steaming pile of turd and you don't want to hurt her feelings. She's obviously lost her mind, but what are you supposed to do in the meantime? Here are some of your options, depending on the kind of guy your friend is dating!

He's boring/annoying/obnoxious as hell

Alright, hear me out. If his only crime is being a bit boring or obnoxious, then you should really let this slide. Yeah, it would be awesome if your friend was dating a dude who was cool and actually fun to hang out with. And yeah, you literally want to fall asleep every time he goes on a 30-minute rant about macroeconomics for no reason whatsoever. But you're a big girl and you've (hopefully) mastered the art of smiling and nodding politely before quickly exiting a boring conversation. And if you're hanging out with him in large social outings, you don't even need to force yourself to fake-laugh every time he makes a stupid joke. Just walk away if it's that hard to make small talk with him! Besides, do you really WANT to be best friends with your friend's boyfriend? What happens when they, you know, break up? That'd be awkward as hell! So honestly, consider this a blessing in disguise. Tolerate his presence when she brings him along to parties or double dates, and then pretend to be sad but secretly rejoice when she comes to you six months later saying that she broke up with him.

He's not that hot, and you know she can do SO MUCH better

Alright, girl. I know you have good intentions here, and it can definitely be confusing to see your gorgeous friend gush over someone who's a 4/10 at best. But you just have to stop yourself and remember that his physical appearance is the ONLY thing that you have to go by. You literally don't know anything else about him! You don't know about the time he comforted her when she was crying, or the time he sent her a meme that made her laugh for five minutes straight, or the time he brought her on a spontaneous road trip across the country for her birthday. For all you know, he's an incredibly smart, hilarious, and caring person. Maybe he even has a ten inch dick!! Honestly, who knows? There are SO many reasons why she's dating him, so maybe you should give him a chance. Get to know him a bit better and maybe you'll find out why your friend fell in love with him (please don't investigate his dick size though).

He's really racist/sexist/problematic

Look, there's no sugarcoating it. If he's dropping racial slurs and making rape "jokes," then you seriously need to consider having a chat with your friend. Quite frankly, racism/sexism/homophobia/etc should all be instant dealbreakers. She might argue that he simply grew up in an environment where it was okay for non-black people to say the n-word. Growing up among racist assholes, however, is not an excuse to be a racist asshole yourself, especially if you are a grown adult who has had ample opportunity to, you know, use Google and stuff.

As her friend, you might want to take this opportunity to pull her aside and tell her that you're really uncomfortable with the things that he's saying. She might defend him — in which case, you've gained some valuable but depressing insight about your friend and you might want to consider not being friends with her anymore — but she might agree with you that it's fucked up. From there, it's up to her whether she wants to break up with him or try to slowly educate him. As for yourself, it's up to you whether you want to continue hanging out with him. Especially if you're a person of color yourself, you might find it exhausting and frustrating to hang out with someone who's constantly being a racist turd. And if your friend is a good person, she'll totally understand your decision to abstain from double dates until he gets his shit together.

He's an abusive piece of shit

Oh hell no. Do NOT let this shit slide! If you've seen him exhibit any signs of abuse, then you need to be there for your friend and let her know that it's not okay. Remember that abuse can be emotional as well as physical. And it's also worth keeping in mind that we live in a shitty society where abusive behavior is normalized and even romanticized. So even though Twilight tried to convince us that a guy stalking his girlfriend and controlling who she talks to is peak romance, please remember that no normal human being does this.

But at the same time, it's important to not shame her or make her feel isolated. Saying something like "why can't you just respect yourself?" or "I don't understand why you're still with him" is not only hurtful as hell, but also extremely counterintuitive. It'll only push her away from you, right into the arms of the abusive dick she calls a boyfriend. Especially if you haven't been in an abusive relationship yourself, it's important to have some empathy and learn more about why it's difficult to leave an abusive relationship. The best thing you can do for your friend is really just be there for her. Be supportive, offer her solutions but don't pressure her into doing anything, and give her the space to make her own decisions. Read more about what you can do here.

@nian_hu