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If you absolutely insist on getting your ex back, here’s how to do it
We’re talking ALL about it
by Amanda Ross
This could either be a comforting thought or and upsetting one but it's a universal truth: in the days after a breakup, both the person who got dumped and the person who did the dumping will have moments of regret. The person you loved and wanted to build a life around is now an ex and no matter how justified the breakup, that's always a bit panic-inducing.
Yeah, so raise your hand if you feel like shit now!!! Isn't love fun!!!!!!!
No matter what side of it you're on, sometimes you feel like a mistake's been made and you want to get your ex back by any means necessary. I'm not suuuper into this because I'm of the personal persuasion that your ex is an ex for a reason — but I'm here to help you and keep my opinions to myself so here's everything I know about getting her, him or them back.
Ok let's get into it: ask yourself this question first
Do you really want to get back together with your ex? I know you're probably yelling at the screen like, OBVIOUSLY BITCH THAT'S WHY I'M READING THIS! But hear me out: do you want to get back together with that person because you truly worked as a couple and the breakup was caused by something fixable? Or do you miss being in a relationship? Do you miss the potential in that person, the memories, the future you thought you had all planned out?
Why you broke up is the most critical aspect of getting back together
If you guys broke up because of a mistake or a fuckup, then you have a real shot at getting back together. Those kinds of things can be repaired — trust can be regained, amends can be made, and new habits can be formed. If it's something less concrete and more emotional, it will probably be impossible. Feelings, like falling out of love with someone or having feelings for someone else, aren't something you can necessarily fix. Unless you're married, it's probably best to let this one go.
Don't suffocate your ex or beg — ever
There is truly nothing less attractive. If you're constantly harassing your ex and crying, sobbing, begging about why you're so sorry and need them back, you're doing absolutely nothing to demonstrate why they should take you back. In fact, all you're doing to being fucking irritating and that in and of itself is a reason why they won't take you back. This process is all about show, don't tell. You have to have dignity and self-respect and show through actions that you're mature and worthy of being in their life. TAKE NOTE, THOUGH: this does not mean blow up your social media up with "I'm totally fine!!!!" posts full of inspirational quotes and FaceTuned selfies. That shit is so ridiculously transparent.
They will be watching you, so act accordingly
In the immediate aftermath of a breakup, it might be really tempting to go on a TELL 'EM BOY BYEEEE bender: going out every night, acting flip and belligerent, and hooking up with someone else to make them jealous. Not only is it so obvious that you're not fine, but it sends the complete wrong message to the ex you're trying to win back. Even if they're the one who ended it, they are watching you and thinking about you and probably analyzing the breakup in as much detail as you are. Think about how much you read into things. Now think about them doing it too. Now think about them doing it but also factor in some douchebro from the bar with his tongue in your ear on the dance floor. Just say noooo.
You can't talk someone into loving you
That's the hardest lesson in a breakup. No matter how much you love them, no matter how much you want to be with them, no matter how sorry you are, it doesn't matter if they're not in it too. You will never be able to convince someone to care about you. You will never be able to talk someone into loving you. And what's more, you shouldn't have to. I know you want your ex back but I also know that sooner rather than later, they'll be someone you scream "OH MY GOD EW NO!!!" about when your friends are laughing about who you used to date. It'll all work out.